Right time to invest!

“Are you single or double?” A manager of a reputed bank asked me.
“Single!!” I said with a little weirdness in my voice.
“Oh! That’s GREAT! This is the right time to invest with our bank scheme.”

Have you ever heard of any special scheme for SINGLES only or no?

Which category?

“Some authors write extremely boring stuff and they not only waste their time in writing but also waste others time who reads them. And some write extremely well that one can recall even after years what they have written.” I told Mr.'H'.

“In which category do u fall, dear?” He laughingly asked.

Google plus

Mr. ‘H’ said “On Google plus I am not creating too many circles such as school friends, college friends, colleagues, neighbours, acquaintances, blogger friends, immediate relatives, extended family members and the persons whom I want to forget but can’t.”
Seeing my confused face he explained “I mean Ex (es).”
“hmm…”
“I am different person. I like to do things differently from others.”
“Really!” I said.
“Therefore I have created only two circles one is ‘GODS’ and other is ‘DEMONS’. I’m bit confused like you in which circle should I place YOU?” He asked me with a wink.

Dr. & Cr.

“Debit and credit are the simplest terms.” Mr. ‘H’ said.
“Debit and credit are the ambiguous terms.” I said.

Do you agree with Mr. ‘H’ or me?

Any guess?

I went to the nursery to buy some flowering trees. The hedge on the boundary of nursery had something interesting. So, the photo was clicked.

Any guess what is this brown oval shaped with two white balls in it in the centre of the photo (Click the photo for larger view)?

Nakedness

My finger shifted its position as I felt a strong jerk in the moving car caused by a huge pothole. I clicked a wrong link unintentionally. The site, with nude young woman in erotic pose was opened as a result. My car took a left turn and its pace slowed down again. I looked out of the window to examine what happened? A digambar sadhu, Jain monk wearing no clothes was coming with the procession. I bow my head.

Both of them were naked, one was erotic and the other was serene. Why?

My favourite joke

My all time favourite joke is as ..

"Please give me some work. I will do anything." A young guy who was a trapeze artist in a famous circus which was shut down because of lack of sufficient funds required for its running, pleaded.
"Yesterday monkey in our zoo died. You havn't much to do, just wear this monkey dress and do some good trapeze tricks whenever there are children in front of your cage." Mr.'U' employed him viewing his past work experience and handed over the dress.

The young guy was very happy with his work and he did it sincerely.

One day he was super excited and took a long jump and fell on the other side of the cage which was of a tiger. He shivered. He screamed.
"Shut up! Shut up, you fool!" The tiger roared. "You will not only lose your job but I will also lose mine because of your stupidity."

Do you think it is a joke or irony on unemployment?

Desire

Statement 1 :
Desire is the root cause of all sufferings.

Statement 2 :
Desire is the root cause of all success.

Would you like to go with statement 1 or 2?

Cheating Vs. Fun

“One who will reach and touch the other side of the pool will be considered as winner of the race.” A leader kid made the announcement. “And the race begins…one…two…and three.”
All the kids of same age group started swimming except one who jumped out of the pool, ran towards the other end, jumped in the water and touched the other end announcing “I AM THE WINNER!”

Do you think this is cheating or fun?

Marriage is like a mouse trap!

Yesterday, Mr. ‘H’ sent this sms to me.

Marriage is like a mouse trap! Those on d outside r trying 2 get in & those on the inside r trying to get out!
Sweetheart, u want 2 stay outside with ME or go inside with ME? ;)

Kattykally

Written by Vikram Seth ‘A Suitable boy’, I was reading and came across a interesting line which I shared with my friends as my facebook status.

Facebook status :
Such is life one doesn't often get the things one wants. - Vikram Seth

One of my friends commented :
Such is life one doesn't often marvel at the things one has. – Kattykally

This is 325th post with a word of thanks to Kattykally.

History is a boring subject!

“You teach History and have done lot of research in medieval History.” A kid raised his one eyebrow in surprise while talking to the Professor of History. “History is a boring subject! There are so many names and dates to remember!”
“If you read History like a story then you will enjoy it and will find it interesting.” Prof. said.
“I ask you a riddle if you answer it correctly I will accept History is an interesting subject otherwise you have to accept that History is a very boring subject.”
“Fine.” Prof. accepted the challenge.
“During the reign of Akbar once Yamuna in Agra was flooded but the most surprising fact was that Taj Mahal didn’t drown. Why?”
Prof. looked bewildered as he had never heard of flood during Akbar’s reign.

Do you know the answer?

A Thirsty Crow (modified version)

“Once upon a time there was a crow. One hot afternoon it was thirsty. It searched for water but couldn’t find. At last it saw a water pot. It looked inside it. There was very less water in it. Its beak couldn’t reach there. It got an idea.” A kid was narrating me the mugged up story.
“It flew and found a straw in a nearby dustbin. It brought that it its beak and put it in the pot. It drank water and flew away.” I said.

What do you think the child will laugh heartedly on hearing this or will say this is not correct and will tell me the rest of the story in which the crow put the pebbles in the pot to raise the water level?

Cheapest way to ENJOY!

I saw young couple in a park, surrounding a monument. The gal was sitting crossed legs whereas the guy was lying on the green grass. The gal was caressing his hair lovingly, sometimes gave his nose a gentle touch, and moved her hands on his face lightly touching his lips with her fingertips.

She shifted a little and I could notice that his right hand was beneath her shawl which was draped around her upper body. She was wearing a top with front placket opening. The left hand of guy was playing with mobile and right hand with …...

The ticket to enter the park of the monument costs only Rs.5 per person. Is it the cheapest way to ENJOY or there are other cheaper options? ;)

After effects of Delhi Belly

“How was the movie ‘Delhi Belly’?” Mr. ‘H’ asked me while returning home.
“My ears are paining as I have to close them repeatedly with my fingers.” I said with a little wink. “It seemed you enjoyed it very much. You were laughing non stop.”
“hmmm..”
“Falling of ceiling is the best scene in the movie.”
“The quilt scenes were awesome. Not to be missed.” He winked. “F***! F***!! F***!!!” He screamed on seeing cream color paint strains on his Breeze Blue car which he parked near my house as we decided to go on our feet to the theater. “Two hours only in two hours………?” He wanted to utter all those sweet words which he had heard in the movie but controlled himself. In disgust, he looked up; a painter was painting the balcony on second floor.
“Can’t you see that there is a car parked below?” Mr. ‘H’ shouted on the painter.
“I am a painter not a watchman.” The painter replied as if nothing has happened.
“You have spoiled my newly brand car. I haven’t received its registration number. It is so new that it bears the temporary number.” Mr. ‘H’ was trying to prove him that he made a big mistake. His reluctance to listen irritated Mr. ‘H’. His angry face became weirder and he said “I will complaint against you to the higher authorities.”
“Go ahead. They will charge you Rs. 5000 for not parking your car in basement parking area. This is the area where owners park his car at his own risk. And anything can happen here. ANYTHING!”
“At least you should have told me earlier I would have removed my car from there.”
“Sorry, Sirji! Nothing can be done now!” He grinned and showed his all possible tainted teeth to us.

Mr. ‘H’ will go up and give that painter a hard blow that even the dentist will not be able to replace his teeth back or Mr. ‘H’ will ask me for some kerosene oil and a cotton rug and will put his five hours of labour to clean up that mess?

Delhi Belly

“Give me two tickets for Delhi Belly centre back.” I said at the ticket window of the theatre hall situated in a shopping mall just walking distance from my house.
“Which show?” The guy asked.
“First day first show.”
“Back is full. Middle centre is available. Seventh row from the screen.” He told me looking at the computer screen.
My friend who is almost my age whispered in my ears “Any seat yaar…any seat...for this raunchy and witty movie. I can even watch this movie sitting on the stairs.”
I smiled and said aloud, “Fine. Give those tickets.”
“Actually ma’am it has many abuses and obscene scenes. It is an adult movie and not good for family viewing. Should I give you the tickets?” The guy asked.

SMS from unknown number!

I bought a new mobile SIM on Monday evening.

On Tuesday morning I received SMS from an unknown number.
The pain of mising frnds is reaisd when standing somwhere u see some other younger school frnds having fun n u say 2 urself "HUM BHI AISE HI THE" (WE ALSO WERE LIKE THEM)

On Wednesday morning I received another SMS from the same number.
LAW OF FRIENDSHIP : Never make Ur frendz feel alone while U r on Earth.Disturb dem as much as U can. Let dem feel ur presnce!
Show dem U r DAMN ALIVE...!!!:)
Good night
sweet dreams
take care

Do you think I activated some service by mistake (may be clicked some wrong keys) or these are messages sent to somebody else which are reaching me by chance?

Julie, the bitch

As I was placing the food wrapped in the newspaper on the ground, it slipped from my hands. The food fell away from the newspaper on the ground. Daily I fed Julie, the bitch with food placed on the newspaper. She took the food in its mouth, placed it on the paper and then started relishing it.

Do you think it is normal for this species or Julie is an intelligent bitch?

House Vs Cage

On seeing this the first thought that came to my mind was 'Is this a house or a cage?'

Mongoose chasing a chameleon

Crossing one of the busiest roads of the countryside, a mongoose was chasing a chameleon. The distance between them became shorter and shorter. To watch this chasing I stopped my car.

What do you think mongoose will catch its prey or chameleon will change its colour to hide itself in nearby bushes?

2 Options

An anonymous reader from Australia commented on my earlier posts whose links are given below.
Comment No.1
Comment No.2
The same anonymous person wrote a comment as A Wellwisher :)
Comment No.3

Recently anonymous commented on my previous post as
"Her blogs are so silly and down-right DUMB" the girl said.

Do you think her readers are horny because she is a female blogger or do they have pea-sized brains?

My reply :
Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for being my regular reader. Out of the 2 Options suggested by you which one you chose for URSELF? ;))

Balcony on twelfth floor

On looking down from my balcony on twelfth floor of the building a kid said, “It seems to me that I will fall down.”

Do you live above or below twelfth floor?

How do I see my self after 3 years?

“How do you see yourself after 3 years?” A person who was studying management asked me.
Although my heart wants to get married and have a baby, my brain wants to have more than thousand blog buddies and publication of my novel yet my mouth only utters that I want to know the real name of Mago. I am damn curious to know what Ma and Go stand for.

Do you think I am reserved person who doesn’t tell secrets or I am chit-chatter who talks non-stop?

Thankless job!

“I have put on weight. I do regular exercise even then it is not reducing.” An elderly lady complained.
“What exercise you do?” The doctor asked.
“I do all the kitchen work own my own.”
“It is not considered as an exercise. Regular morning/ evening walk are considered as regular exercise.”
“What is the use of doing kitchen work all the time as it is a thankless job?” She vent out her frustrations.

Give me ONLY one tava!

“You have three tava (a large convex disc shaped griddle made up of iron used for making chapattis)!!!” A four year kid exclaimed. He was curiously opening the cupboards of my kitchen while I was preparing tea for her mother who was comforting herself in air conditioned drawing room. On seeing three tava lying side by side in shelve out of which one was used for cooking chapattis, one for roasting sweet potatoes and the other one with a flat bottom used for cooking dosa. “We have only one! Give me ONLY one tava just ONLY one. I will take it to my home then we will have two tava and you will also have two tava.” He requested cutely.

What do you suggest should I give him one tava or should make a sweet excuse to refuse?

Good movies

There are so many DVDs of good movies in this shop.

Which one should I buy?

Speaking to a cloud

While walking on the roof of my house, I had a strange feeling when I looked at the sky full of clouds. The sky had numerous of them; of all shapes, sizes and colours varying shades of grey, white, cream and orange. A tiny cloud in ochre robe considerably above the horizon appeals to me. I spoke ‘Hi Tiny’. My voice distracted it. It looked up from the laptop on which it was working. It smiled innocently.

“Do you know when my grandpa was young he wrote a poem in Urdu on talking to clouds?” I started the conversation.
“How could I? It’s a family trend.” It winked and then smiled a little more.
“He didn’t publish his work as he later on came to know that Kalidas had written ‘Meghdoot’ about talking to clouds. Although his work was different but he felt that it would give an impression of copying. So, his work remained unpublished.”
“He could have written blogs as I do.” It grinned. “You could read my musings at www.blogofasmilingcloud.com” It winked twice.

Have you ever felt that you are speaking to a cloud?

Dilemma of my life

I am standing in quite a long queue; in front of me is a sannyasin who is wearing white colored saree along with white colored shoes and purse. She is dipped in white from top to bottom except her hair which is black. On my back is standing a newly wed woman who is wearing vibrant clothes with artificial jewellery, lose hair and pencil heels. She is dipped in glitters from top to bottom except her face make up which is wiped off by the drops of perspiration.

I am in the dilemma whether I should take sannyas or tie the nuptial knot?

Too hot, too cold!

“In a restaurant whenever I eat food, the first morsel of food is too hot that it burns sensitive skin of my mouth whereas the last morsel of food is too cold that it becomes difficult for me to chew it properly.” Mrs. ‘L’ said.

Do you also feel the same?

Rich beggar

Today, I read in the newspaper that a beggar died with Rs. 1.98 lakhs in his pocket.

These days, are the beggars really poor!?

A mail

I received this mail.

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following group
of people are shipwrecked :-

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman.
2 French men and 1 French woman.
2 German men and 1 German woman.
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman.
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman.
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman.
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman.
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman.
2 English men and 1 English woman.
2 Swiss men and 1 Swiss woman.

One month later on the same island in the middle of nowhere, the following
things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a
ménage-à-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with
the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long
look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instruction>

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and
a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for
their stores.

The two Australian men are contemplating suicide because the Australian
woman keeps complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she
can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal
division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her look fat; how
her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do;
how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the
taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and have set
up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it
gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're
satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English
woman.

The two Swiss man opened a bank and married the Bulgarian and the Japanese
women. The Swiss women founded a feminist Group and supported all the women on the island.

Do you think racial humor is funny or offensive?

Bidi time!

An elderly man who was sitting on a mudah made puff and handover the bidi to the elderly woman. She was sitting beside him on a peedah. She took it in her wrinkled hand, inhaled and filled her mouth and lungs with smoke. She passed that same bidi to the man while puffing.

Do you think they were saving a bidi or they were enjoying bidi smoking in each other’s company?

Story of a confident guy

Part 1
“There is a huge beehive on the neem tree. I am an expert in collecting honey from beehives. If you permit me I can collect.”
“You can come in the evening to do that.” I replied.
“I am skilled to do that even at noon hours. Actually ma’am I know a mantra which I chant and after that all the bees will leave this place and will go to some other place. I will collect the honey from the vacant beehive.”
“It is dangerous to do it at daytime. Better come at the dusk.”
“I am prepared with my long stick, on which kerosene dipped rugs have been tied. I will set fire to scare the worker bees to grasp the queen bee. I am ready with my bucket to collect honey.” He showed his blue colored bucket to me.
“I have to go to attend a meeting at some other site.”
“When you will return then you can see my expertise skills, ma’am.”

Part 2
Three hours later when I returned, I found the stick with burnt rugs on one edge lying on the ground. I looked up and beehive was still there and the same blue colored bucket which was in the hands of confident guy was now on the top branch of neem tree.

Do you think he forgot the mantra or lost his confidence in front of thousands of stings?

Lost my book

“Return my favourite book if you have read it.” I said to my friend.
“A day before yesterday, I took it with me on my Mumbai trip so that in the journey I could read it. On my returning flight after complete reading, I placed it in the pocket of the front seat. I forgot to take it out. Sorry yaar.”

Should I scold him for misplacing my favourite book or should I be happy as someone else will be reading that book?

A man covering his face

In a marriage party, dance floor was full with the young persons doing sexy moves. The gathering was enjoying the high pitch music with fast dance movements. I saw near about eighty year old man sitting in the front row covering his face with his left hand. To my utmost surprise his eyes were peeping to observe those dance steps by young female members of his family.

Was he feeling ashamed or elated to observe such dance moves?

Kartiki missing!

When Kartiki was twenty eight days old, she entered my room while I was busy in completing my project report.

Near about half an hour passed and I couldn’t see or hear anything from her side which worried me. I searched her under my bed, behind the furniture and below the settees. I couldn’t find her.

By chance she went out of my room while I was absorbed in my work therefore I searched her in each and every corner of the house. And I couldn’t find her. I decided to do my remaining home work. My school bag was horizontally placed along the wall. I opened its flap and found her sleeping over my books.

She is no more. This is 300th post dedicated to her.

Dangerous woman!

“On Sunday night, we had a drinking competition.” Miss ‘G’ told me. “For a foreign delegate Mr. ‘P’ a party was organised, all senior personnel were present even Managing Director of our company. Mr. ‘P’ holds some excellent offers of sale for our company hence an important person who was to be served well. Mr. ‘P’ boasted in the party that he could drink much. Nobody could beat him as his drinking capacity was of very superior class. My boss looked at me and said, “Take good care of him. Will you?” I nodded.”

“The party began with five shots, followed by three bottom ups. After that we all had to drink a glass full of wine. You know Chandrika, when vodka is mixed with wine in stomach then results can be …… So I didn’t take it rather plainly lied that that this glass of wine was not mine rather someone else. I had already finished mine. Uncountable bottles of beer were consumed by me and Mr. ‘P’ as we were the last two contestants.”

“Next morning, I reached my office on time and Mr. ‘P’ was still having hang over and couldn’t wake up till afternoon. When he returned back in this world, his first response was to know about me. It was revealed to him that I was in my office, working. He could only utter, “Dangerous Woman, she is!!!” ”

Do you think she is a dangerous woman or smart woman?

Sheila ki jawani

“What is your name?” I asked a preschooler boy.
“My name is Sheila.” He replied confidently

Should the songs like Sheila ki jawani be banned for children or should be taught like nursery rhymes as they are easy to remember than one’s own name? ;)

Ambulance on wrong side!

I had to put the harsh brakes as all of a sudden an ambulance ringing siren came in front of my car from the wrong side. Instead of going on left road of the highway it ran on the right side to avoid traffic jam on that side. I gave way to the ambulance so that someone's life could be saved. The fast speed of ambulance on the wrong side was totally unpredictable for the motorcycle on the same side of the road. They collided.

To save one’s life, one can break rules or one can not put life of other’s at risk?

Blogger Vs. begger

On my blog, I am merely 2 hits away from 1000 hits which means 2 cents away from making one dollar from my writings. Folks, click the button to increase the money. :) A blogger wrote.

Is there any difference between blogger and begger?

Mr. Vs. Ms.

Mr. : Let's go back to Stone Age. Life, free of tensions and full of enjoyment. A carefree life!
Ms. : Unsuccessful persons think about going back to Stone Age, successful persons think about twenty-secondth century or beyond.

Do you agree with Mr. or Ms.?

You are our celebrity!

“The advertisement of the product should have a celebrity so that it can gain more attention from common persons. The present advertisement of the product only have simple girl in blue dress.” A dealer complained to the general manager of the company.
“If you remember the advertisement then the purpose is solved.” The general manager replied.
“I have to sell the product so I remember it day and night, not forgetting it for a second. The need of celebrity was for common persons who are our buyers.”
“Our company do not believe in the concept of celebrities. Moreover our company firmly believe that you are our celebrity as you give business to our company by selling the product.”

Do you think general manager is too polite to consider a dealer as a celebrity or too smart to divert the flow of thoughts?

Dog in the lift

I saw that lift was coming down from the fifteenth floor. I waited for it as I was standing on the ground floor. The door opened and a street dog ran out of it.

Do you think it is a smart dog that can operate lift buttons or somebody presses the buttons for the poor creature so that it can land safely on ground?

Bunch of keys

“Oh Sh*t! SH*T!!” Mr. ‘H’ uttered on seeing his breeze blue car keys falling in the space between the lift and the floor. He lost his grip on the keys. He made an effort to grab them again but failed.
“Don’t worry you must be having a duplicate key.” I soothed him.
“Chandrika, The key ring not only have my car keys but also my office main door key, cupboard keys, safe key and my bank locker key.” He whispered in my ears.
“Oho!”
“And on the key ring it is written ‘I have never lost my keys.’” He said this in his normal pitch.

Does Mr. ‘H’ lose his key ring ‘I have never lost my keys’ forever or no?

Breeze blue

“My dad gifts me a brand new car. Its color is breeze blue neither too dark nor too light rather pleasing blue. It is the most soothing blue I have ever seen in my life.” Mr. ‘H’ described while we were going towards the parking area. “My car is just behind this big black vehicle.”

Before I could have a glimpse of that sexy breeze blue, the lights went out. In the complete darkness my loud laugh could be heard.

Mr. ‘H’ took a few steps towards car while pressing the buttons of his mobile. He bought it near the car door and asked “How is the color?”

What should I say that in dim light I can’t see the color or in dim light breeze blue is hell lovable?

A midnight call

I woke up from sleep to attend the call on my mobile from Mr. ‘H’. “What happened? Why do you call me at this hour?” I said irritatedly. The disturbed sleep gave me a slight headache.
“I want you to be the first person to wish me as I was born on this day some years back.” He said excitedly as well as lovingly.
I looked at the watch in mobile which was showing 12:01 am.

Do you think should I scold him for calling at this hour and disturbing my sleep or should I sweetly wish him ‘Happy B’day’?

My body age

“Your body age is thirty six years.” A doctor told me.
“OMG! It is more than my chronological age! I do regular exercise, avoid fried foods and eat lots of fruits. Even then!” I said.

What should I do to minimise my body age? Any suggestions.

My style of writing

“Do you think I should write like Chetan Bhagat to become popular?” I asked one of my good friends.
“Do not copy anybody’s style of writing rather create your own style of writing.” He suggested me.

So I tried to create my style of writing; short, crisp with a mark of interrogation at the end. I will like to thank Tomz who referred to my style of writing in his recent post.

Do you think it is distinct style or should I improve it to a more unique one?

Trash on the road

A shopkeeper threw the empty cardboard container on the road. Before I could utter something he took the last sip of tea from the kulahad, a disposable mud cup without handle and also threw it on the road.

Should I pick up the empty container and kulahad from the road and threw them back in his shop or should I ask him politely not to throw trash on the road?

All possible combinations

Mago is my pen name, very simple and close to my real name, Ma...... Go....... . No sophisticated alias for me.
A blogger from Germany told me when I asked about whether he wrote with his pen name or real name.

I tried all the possible combinations with German masculine names beginning with ‘Ma’ and surname beginning with ‘Go’. Do you think I will hit the correct name that suits his profession and personality or I am wasting my time?