Life is tough!

 A tear erupted from his eye as his colleague gently thrust food in his mouth. The morsel of chapatti wrapped around a lady finger was just as he liked it - not too spicy or too plain - and almost as good as home-cooked; yet it made him cry. Inder chewed on it reluctantly for a few seconds and forced it down his parched throat.

 He glanced around the room which has become his humble abode for a while. The walls were spotlessly white-washed. Blue curtains were drawn partially on the windows to shield the brightness and heat of the October sun. On the other side of his bed a white partition provided some token privacy from the occupants of the room. He was lying on a white iron-frame bed on which a spotless white sheet was spread. Two small holes almost the size of a rice grain was visible near his knee. A stainless steel table stood on the side. A dented steel glass, two spoons with different designs, a dirty steel plate, a Bisleri bottle half-filled with tap water, an old Nokia mobile, two brown pens and lots of colourful pills and bottles were competing for space on it. A creaky cane chair stood on one side. They had to pay extra for it, but Inder wasn't too sure if it was suitable for sitting on.

 He was wearing a sky blue gown which hung loosely on his skinny body. The hospital staff had been adamant that he wear their gown and not his own clothes. The tears in his eyes made everything look blurred. A blurred corner of handkerchief came towards his eyes.

“Inder Singh, if you will lose courage now, you will lose the battle of life. Be brave and use your brain to come out of this trouble,” said Sumit, his colleague.

“Without hands?” Inder said, unable to keep disappointment out of his voice.

“Be brave and use your brain.” Sumit repeated, and put a spoonful of curd in his mouth, which Inder gulped half-heartedly.

“I will not be able to do my present job.”

“You will find a better one! This might not had been the right job for you and I am sure that some better job is waiting for you!” He put one more morsel in his mouth.

“Ya! What's the use of a job which puts my life at risk?” said Inder, his voice muffled with sobs and food in his mouth.

“I found you unconscious under the metallic pipe.” Sumit told. Inder started to recall the events of that fateful night.

“I was just doing my usual routine. Before leaving for home every night, I check that the boiler fire source is closed. I tried to tighten the knob, but even after three complete rounds of the handle it was still too loose. That's when I realised that the spring must have broken! It was a set up! Someone was jealous of my promotion last month and knew my routine. But there was no time to think. The pressure was building up very rapidly. I was trying to prop open the release valve with both hands, when the pipe connecting the boiler and the dying container started creaking. I should have stepped back, but I thought the jammed valve would open any second.  When the heavy pipe dropped on my hands, I lost my balance and fell down, trapped under the pipe. I could hear my bones crack! It was just too painful! I must have screamed loud enough to crack the concrete walls of the factory. I tried to pull my hands once but that only made the pain worse! After that I must have blacked out. Next thing I remember is waking up in this room."

Sumit picked up the thread of story from him and continued to narrate further “I had just started my night duty at the entrance gate when I heard you screaming. I rushed towards the boiler and found you unconscious. Without wasting a single part of a second, I pressed the emergency button. Alarms rang all around. Meanwhile I found a metal stirrer lying nearby and tried to use it as a lever to raise the pipe. Three more guards came running and joined me in raising the pipe. One two and three… we all shouted in chorus.. The pipe just rose by a few inch. The others hung on with all their might while I dragged you out. We rushed you to the hospital in an ambulance.”

“This is a costly hospital. You should have taken me to some cheaper place. All my savings are draining out in the treatment,” Instead of being thankful to his colleague Inder complained.

“You can earn and save more once this difficult period is over,” Sumit tried his best to raise Inder's spirits.

“Saying so is quite easy but how can I earn when I am not even able to do my personal work.”

“Nothing is impossible. You can do whatever you wish.”

“I can’t feed myself. You are feeding me.” Tears rolled down Inder's cheeks again, he tried to hide his face behind the stumps of his hands.

“Any movement of your hands will delay recovery.” Sumit reminded him of the doctor’s advice.

“I can’t bathe myself. I can’t change my dress. I can’t even hold a glass of water to my mouth when I am feeling thirsty. And to top it all, I can’t even open the zip to pee.” Inder felt defeated.

 Sumit kept the half-eaten plate aside and started fiddling with his mobile. He showed Inder a video in which a woman with no hands was leading a normal life and doing all household chores as well as any other housewife. For a few minutes Inder felt better and accepted a few more morsels, but then again a cloud of depression came from some unknown source to wrap him. Seeing him sad, Sumit took out a paper cutting from his purse and put it in front of Inder so that he could have a good view of a cheerful girl.

“Sexy?” He teased Inder to change mood. He looked up irritatingly with wet eyes. Sumit winked a little and asked again. 

“Even if then what?” Inder’s anger was reflected in his words.

Sumit picked up the cutting, turned the folded paper upward so that Inder could have a full view of the photo and the article below it.

“Hell! She has no hands!!”

“As you can see she is standing in an aircraft. She is a pilot.” Sumit explained.

Inder read aloud, "Jessica Cox, 25, a girl born without arms, the girl from Tucson, Arizona got the Sport Pilot certificate lately and became the first pilot licensed to fly using only her feet. With one foot manning the controls and the other delicately guiding the steering column, she soared to achieve a Sport Pilot certificate. Her certificate qualifies her to fly a light-sport aircraft to altitudes of 10,000 feet.”

“Yup! I always carry her inspiring story in my pocket. Any time I am feeling down, I look at her photo.”

“Hmm..”

“So dear friend, focus your energy and attention on your abilities rather than disabilities. You have to use your foot as your hands for doing chores. He asked Inder to pick up the cotton piece in between his right toe and moved leg towards his face to clean the tiny droplets of the terrible past.

Inder cried more, uncontrollably this time. Sumit was confused but decided to let Inder clear out his pent-up emotions. A couple of minutes later Inder in between sobs said, “I lied to you my buddy. I lied.”

Sumit frowned but didn't say anything, waiting for Inder to say more.

“When you were away to fetch the food from cafeteria my mobile had rung, I picked it up from the table using my toes. On seeing the screen, I came to know that it was from my mother. I pressed the buttons and hold it near my ear using my toes. My mother told me that my wife left me for her lover on hearing about my accident. Actually I was not crying for my hands but for my wife as I loved her very much.

Sumit totally dumfounded threw himself back on the cane chair. ‘Life is tough!’ he mumbled. The chair creaked in unison.

The Hanged Man

 

The Hanged Man!

I was surprised to see this card when I pulled out a tarot card from the deck to know my future. At that time, I was working as a Lecturer of Fashion Designing in a reputed college of the town. I was living a lavish life; going to college, giving lectures, reading books, listening to music, watching movies, going to relatives’ house on weekends and enjoying life fully. This XII card from Major Arcana showed that something important and transforming is going to happen next in my life!

It was mid January.

In the first week of February, my father asked me to join a training course of trps (Tax Return Preparer Scheme) which provided the basic knowledge to assist small and medium taxpayers in the preparation of filing their income tax return. Although I used to love teaching designing but unfortunately there was no growth in that profession neither materialistically nor academically. I tried hard to grow but found myself trapped in the stagnant environment. Therefore, I eagerly accepted his offer and left my job in a hope of a better profession growth in some other field.

All of a sudden, I jumped from textiles and dresses to numbers and figures. I found it hard to grasp income tax related information because of my non-commerce background. My batch mates which were from commerce background helped me a lot by explaining rules, by giving their 12th standard books to me so that I could do more exercises and by clearing my doubts. Because of their corporation, I cleared the exam with flying colours.

A few months later my father fell ill. I had to join his business as my brother was out of the country at that time. My leisured life became hectic. I did not know anything about his business except that the income could be divided into five heads i.e. income from salary, income from house property, business income, capital gains and income from other sources which I had learned in trps course. I was on my toes all the time attending business calls, running from one office to another, giving instructions to employees, looking after my father, helping my mother in managing house. For the next eight month, I did not find time to watch a single movie.

One day, my mother asked, “What do you want as a gift on your birthday?”

“I want to sleep like a baby!” I replied.

She was a bit surprised as my reply was not usual- chole bhature but was just sound sleep.

The Hanged Man turned my life upside down; from enjoying leisured life to ultra hectic life.

 

Pic – The Hanged Man is an image of an man who is hanging upside down. Tied with his right ankle, he is suspended from a tree, and is viewing the world from very different prospective with calmness and serenity.

Mindful observation

 

Yesterday, Black Lotus Act was 2 minutes of mindful observation of any object like a flower or a stone. Earlier I had done tried it on cloud, tree and flower. A bead was lying beside me; I decided to try my luck on it. I placed it a considerable distance and focus my eyes on it. I did not blink my eyes like in tratak exercise. Slowly the surroundings around the bead vanished and only bead was left, shining brightly and firmly.  

It was so serene that even after 2 minutes my mind did not want to come back into the world. It yearned to stay there forever. Most probably, I did mindful observation for near about 5 minutes or may be more as time swiftly passes went mind is calm.

From the past two years, I was suffering from hypermetropia, which means I could clearly see the objects at far off place but the vision of nearby object was blurred. When I visited the eye specialist last time, he suggested me to pull for some more time without spectacles as I could hold the reading material at a significant distance and could clearly read without any problem. In COVID lockdown because of excess use of laptop and mobile, my eyesight deteriorated and I found it difficult to read. The letters in front of me were blurred either fully or partially depending upon the distance from eyes. I found it very difficult to read on paper but I was able to read and write on laptop. Moreover, I was hesitant to go to a doctor because of increase number of corona cases in vicinity.

 

Next morning rather I must say today morning, I opened the book ‘The Ancient Science of Mantras’ to read Sri Suktam.

हिरण्यवर्णां हरिणीं सुवर्णरजतस्रजाम् ।
चन्द्रां हिरण्मयीं लक्ष्मीं जातवेदो म आवह ॥१॥

WOW!! I could clearly read every single word without dragging the book to a considerable distance from my eyes to form a clear image on my retina. Without making any adjustments with the book, I was clearly able to read. My eyes had grown younger in just one day.

How?

It was a side effect of 5 minutes of mindful observation.

Later, I checked my eyesight on the tiny font of Blue Ocean Strategy and it was clearly visible and readable to me! I was on cloud nine! :)

 

Pic – The two different size of fonts from the book Blue Ocean Strategy.

 

Truth in the air

 

“Sir, please put my file on the madam’s table.” I politely said to the clerk. Although he was on higher designation but for the sake of telling this story lets us demote him.

“I am giving you next date. Please come after one month.” He made his usual remark.

He had already delayed my work for a long time by making excuses like I am not feeling well today, today is audit - the whole team would be here any moment, I am too busy, I will definitely do it on the next day............the list was endless. Enough is enough; I was not in a mood to hear useless excuses anymore. I wanted my file to move to the next table. That’s all!

“Put my file on madam’s table otherwise.............” I said the same words in a harsh tone leaving the rest to his imagination.

His tone became ultra polite and said, “Madam, You can see how many files are there in my office?”

I glanced the room, which was packed with files. Although I had been to that office, many times but I had never given any importance to the appearance of the office. There were files in the almirahs, there were files on the almirahs, there were files in between the almirahs, there were files on the table, there were files under the table, there were files on the side table, there were files under the side table and there were files stacked all along the wall. In the whole room, there was only one place where there was still some space to accommodate a few more files and that was dark brown coloured ceiling fan. It was vacant may be because he was short heighted.

“I have to search your file in these piles of files and if I do not find it here then I will go to the store, search your file there and bring it back. This whole process will take some time. Please come after one hour.”

I looked at my mobile watch and said, “It is 10:45am. I will come sharp at 11:45am.”

“Sure, madam.”

 

After one hour.....

When I was just about to enter his office, he hurriedly came out of his office and on seeing me he said, “Madam, Please wait of some more time, a rat has died.”

“What!” I had never heard of such a brainless excuse in my whole life. He must had created a new excuse out of nowhere. “How is this possible?” I asked him but he was not there. With lightening speed, he vanished in that crowded corridor.

To confirm, I moved towards his office. Everything was fine. Liar! Liar! Liar! And I took one more step. Yuck! I could smell the truth in the air!  

I could not dare to go further and hastily step back.

“Files tumbled upon the poor creature and it died.” He came from nowhere and uttered in low tone as if somebody known to him had died.

It was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

 

Pic – I read the book ‘Mr. Chinki’ a few years back.:)

Gift a book

 

How will I gift a book?

It was October 2020.

Seldomly, I stepped out of my house as a preventive measure for COVID 19. Moreover, there was no bookshop in the vicinity; neither huge showroom with wide range of books nor small store with limited number of second hand books. Even years after staying here, I had never met a book lover; neither with huge collection of books in his drawing room or who has just minimal books that too borrowed from here and there.

Reading just one chapter per day for better grasping, I had finally finished Shrimad Bhagwat MahaPuran in almost one year. I wanted to donate fresh volumes of the scripture to a genuine reader who would also be benefited by studying them. Therefore, I was in search of a bookstore.

I got an idea! I requested my known book shopkeeper although he was in a different city than I was, to give Part 1 and Part 2 of the book to a suitable person, as there was a huge rush on his shop. He was reluctant because of a traditional believe that donation should be solely done by my generous hands. I tried to explain that COVID situation is a rare of its own kind. Under such exceptional circumstances, if he would donate book to somebody with his generous hands even then the good karmic points for that act would add up on assets side of my karmic balance sheet, as I would be paying for it.

Finally, he agreed.

Time and again whenever I enquired, he would have one or the other excuse like he was busy as it was Navratri or he was out of the town for bulk purchase or he could not find any good reader yet. At last, I decided to search someone who resided in the same city. I picked up my diary to have a look at the names of the persons. I found one. I called the number. He honestly told me that he had read that book two years back as well as he had one copy in his tiny collection.

I further scrolled in my diary and came across the name of Pandit ji of Hanuman Mandir, coincidently the bookshop was situated behind the temple. He gladly agreed to take the book, as he had not read it before.

For the delivery of book, I dialled shopkeeper’s number who was more eager and elated to inform me that after intense search and research ultimately he had found a genuine reader, an aged person. On hearing, instead of getting happy, I got perplex. He had made the commitment to a senior citizen as well as I had made the commitment to Pandit ji. What to do now?

“Do you have two copies of both volumes?” I asked.

“Yes, I do have.”

With a sigh of relieve, I said, “Give one copy of both volumes to that elderly person and one copy of both volumes to Pandit ji.”

He gladly accepted the offer of Double Dhamaka Sale!

While transferring payment in his account I reflected that it was Ma’s wish to give away two copies of Shrimad Bhagwat Maha Puran instead of only one.

An SMS - That I still remember after 11 years

‘Gud nite’

This SMS flashed on my Nokia tiny light-blue mobile around 9:45pm. I was half-surprised and half-amused to see it from a person with whom I had my first business meeting just seven hours before and this was his opening SMS in spite of usual ‘hi’ and ‘hello’. I forgot his name but let us call him ‘Deepak’. He attended the business meeting along with his father who seemed to be more interested in boasting about their commercial as well as residential properties in Delhi NCR rather than doing any fruitful business related discussion. At that time, I was a newbie and did not know how to bring the discussion back on track. Somehow, I managed to finalise the deal and I exchanged phone numbers for further contact in future.

At that time, I was too exhausted to type a reply to that exceptional SMS. Therefore, I put the phone aside, closed my eyes, prayed to God and went to sleep. Early morning, I discussed it with my yoga students who were my friends more. They all suggested me to ignore that stupid SMS.

After a few more meetings with his talkative father, I came to know that Deepak was married from a quiet long time but did not have any issue, which was resulting in a conflict between the couple. Last month, she returned to resolve all fights after staying six months at her parent’s house. She wanted some properties to be transferred in Deepak’s name and his father-in-law elatedly fulfilled her demand.

One year flew away working satisfactorily with them, and then I started facing some problems from their side like delayed payments, making less payment because of some or the other excuse. I discussed it with my father who ordered me to end the deal and searched a new party. In the final meeting, Deepak’s father who was always keenly interested in narrating about his family told that Deepak was from his first wife who died soon after giving birth to him. He had two daughters from second wife that were married and well settled in Gurgaon and Faridabad. Deepak’s wife was under the treatment for test tube baby in Delhi hospital and he elatedly added that now, the baby was two months old.

I lost all contacts with them after the end of business deal with them. Near about one and a half year had past, then one day, I received a call from an unknown number. Those were the days when one got spam calls only from international numbers and this was an Indian number. Therefore, I picked up the phone and was surprised to know that on the other side was Deepak’s wife.

She offered a business deal, which I politely declined. Afterwards she started narrating her sad story without any tinge of sadness in her voice, “My husband and my father-in law are no more.”

Before I could utter a word she said, “I went to attend my cousin’s marriage. On that, very night Deepak’s stepmother killed both of them. She gave them poisoned liquor to drink. I am having dispute with her over the property, which is in Deepak’s name.”

“And baby?” I interrupted her.   

“It died when it was five months old.”

Untimely Deepak wished ‘Gud bie’ to his wife.

I still remember that SMS even after 11 years had passed may be because it was the height of stupidity or may be because of its exceptional spellings!

Pic – I have drawn this sketch using my left hand 

My confusion regarding Nav Durga Sadhana

 

One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight

It should be nine.

I counted again like a nursery kid but the result was unchanged.

I was counting the number of days from 22 June, 20 to 29 June, 20. These were the days of Ashadha Sukhla Paksha from Pratiprada (First) to Navmi (Ninth) for Gupt Navratri. I was planning to do Nav Durga Sadhana. As of partial lockdown in my area because of COVID 19 I found it difficult to arrange the material required for yajna therefore I decided to go for mental offerings and prayers.

Is there a tithi kshaye?(Is one day less this time)

Before lockdown, I was busy winding up my financial matters and buying groceries. In this chaos, I forget to buy panchang (lunar calendar) for the Vikram Samvat 2077, the next year. I thoroughly searched online panchangs but could not find out which tithi is kshaye (date is missing/ decreasing) as I was earlier used to consulting only Shri Martand panchang which was available in the book form and was considered as one of the best panchang in India.

I requested my book shopkeeper to Whatsapp me Ashadha Sukhla Paksha page, as I had to do some date bound Sadhana. He was a kindhearted person and did the needful without taking a single penny from me. Just a glance to that page, I came to know that shashthi tithi (sixth date) is kshaye (missing).

Now what should I do on the fifth day of Navrata? Should I totally skip the sixth day pooja or should I do fifth and sixth day pooja on the fifth day?

I recalled an incidence when last time I visited the ashram; I was waiting for my turn for 120 seconds long personal meeting with Swamiji. An aged woman along with one young woman (most probably her daughter-in-law) went inside the meeting room to seek blessings from Swamiji. There was one more couple before me and then it was my turn. After a few seconds, young woman came out; most probably old woman was to be initiated. As the door opened, young woman went inside to support the old woman in standing up and in walking through the passage. They both were about to leave the waiting room, then they recalled that they forget to ask a very important point. They came back and requested Swami Vedananda Om ji to give one more chance to meet Swamiji to clarify their doubt. He politely requested them to explain the dilemma. On listening to them, he inquired, “Did he say anything about which type of beads should to be used?” The old woman said, “No.” He said, “Then you can use any type of beads you wish to use. If he had not said anything then you can make your own choice. You can choose whatever you are comfortable with.”

Did Swamji said anything about tithi kshaye (less days) or tithi badhat (more days)?    

I thoroughly searched the Nav Durga Sadhana notes if Swamiji had said anything in this regard and I by chance had missed it out. I could not find anything. Now, it was my choice to pick a comfortable option.

It further puzzled me. When my mind could not find an effective solution, it flipped the question, “What would you do if there is a tithi badhat (more days)? Would you skip the sadhana on the extra day or would you repeat the same day sadhana on two days? ” Obviously Sadhana could not be skipped in between therefore I would opt for continuation of Sadhana by repeating the sadhana of that tithi even on the extra day. Similarly, for tithi kshaya without skipping the Sadhana for the sixth day, fifth and sixth day Sadhana needed to be done on the fifth day! I finally decided.