Life Hit Me Hard, But I Decided to Embrace it.

My best friend stabbed me just for a temporary job.

“I am selected as a Research Fellow in ‘XYZ’ project.” She excitedly broke the news to me over the phone.

“When was the interview?” A surprised me asked.

“Today morning at ten.”

“Why didn’t you inform me?” I was reflecting on a quote, “It is better to have an enemy who slaps you in the face than a friend who stabs you in the back.”

“I thought that you knew about it.”

I knew that she intentionally did not share it with me. If I were present in the interview she would not have been selected as there were only two posts. With 88% marks in my B.Sc. and M.Sc., I was a scholarship holder throughout my study period in the college, with a decent number of published research papers and popular articles in my name. I was on the top of the merit list. There was one more person who had less percentage than me but higher than my friend. My best friend stabbed me just for a short-term job. My dream of becoming a dress designer was shattered on that day. Dane Thomas said, “Those who have walked the path filled with broken promises and shattered dreams are the ones who arise with the strongest wings.”

Earlier this interview had been cancelled many times due to one or the other reason before it happened on that day. I could not go to the college to check the notice board during last week so missed the interview date. I was shocked that even the project holder professor with whom I was writing papers did not inform me. Next day, I met her, and asked about it.

“I thought you must be knowing about it.” She replied in a nonchalant tone.

“You could have called when you found that I was not present among the candidates.”

But her big ego did not allow as she was entrapped in the false pride of a glorious and unique project in her name. Little did she know that, the opposition lobby had plans to sabotage the project using my friend as a pawn. This project was about the computerization of innovative dress designs in which the knowledge of a particular software was required. Still, I requested her to let me in to at least learn that software to which she bluntly refused. I had an inkling that she would repent.

After working for nearly one year my friend left that project in between. The other person in the project refused to work for extra time. I wanted to help her but I could not as I had no knowledge of that particular software. Her reputation was at stake. She worked like a laborer to complete that project. Nearing deadline, she had to work for 18 hours a day to save it from failing. In the meantime, her elder son was murdered in a road rage. She slipped into depression as she was emotionally attached to that son.

On that fateful interview day, I lost the job, I lost my best friend, and I lost my favorite lecturer – all in one go. Though career prospects seemed to vanish, even then I did not shed a tear. Later reflecting on life, I developed a feeling of acceptance of failures because it is just a way of nature to protect me from the unseen mishaps. Abuthaher said, “Acceptance of failure is the first success.” After some years, I joined the business empire of my father breaking the prevalent orthodox trend of girls not doing that business. 

‘मन का हो तो अच्छा, ना हो तो और भी अच्छा' - हरिवंश राय बच्चन

“If something happens according to your wish, it’s good. But if it doesn’t, that’s even better. If it is not happening according to your wish, then it is happening according to some divine force. That divine force will never think ill about you.”- Harivansh Rai Bachchan

Life surprises us all!

Pic : Me in Fashion Designing lab. 

My Emotional Turbulance

‘Massive fire breaks out in ‘X’ factory’.

While flipping the pages of the local newspaper I was shocked to see this news. Last night a fire broke out in the boiler section after a powerful explosion and about 75% of the factory was burnt to ashes. A couple of months back, I visited that factory for Vastushastra Consultancy. I studied everything minutely and told the owner that the plot in the South- West direction of his factory was down by 6 feet which was resulting in his severe financial losses. He asked me for a remedy. I suggested that he could plant trees and creepers and could place some heavy items like stone or metal in that direction. I clearly told him that these remedies would only be effective to some extent as this defect could not be cured till the adjacent plot owner filled his plot with sand which was not possible according to him.

Whether I visited that factory once or twice I could not recall now as it happened near about one and a half decade ago. Due to security reasons, a known needy person accompanied me whenever I visited sites for Vastushastra Consultancy. As this place was far off, I went by car.

The owner was not satisfied with my truthful answers, hence slashed my payment to a considerable amount. I requested him to make my full payment as I had to pay to other persons also. But he was adamant. On that day, just for a few bucks, my mood was spoiled. I told him everything correctly to the best of my knowledge even then he did not pay me the pre decided amount. With a heavy heart I returned home.

Whenever I found myself emotionally disturbed in any deal, soon after that I came to know that the concerned person was trapped in a financial crunch. Whether it is my emotions that cause disturbance in other’ lives or it is nature's way to tell me the unfortunate future of other’s. I try hard to control such emotions, but I do not know how to put a check on them. Now, as a saint, I made several attempts to sort out the things, but I find that the situation worsens.

While doing Avagunthan mudra, I always pray to the lineage in my heart to help me to overcome my negative emotions so that I may not harm anybody. But it is easier to say than to do. Emotions are like ocean waves, they hit, splurge and drench me anytime anywhere. Is it true for one and all? I wonder sometimes.

Pic : Pixabay

Immense Silence in the Cremation Ground

We buried Om!

I liked Om Swamiji's name so much that when I got the chance to name somebody, I named the tender being as ‘Om’. How delighted I was when I picked up this name. I always remembered him while saying the name. His memoirs, his teachings, his knowledge, his values, his principals, his command over so many subjects inspired me to namesake someone along with those good virtues and qualities. Whether all the time I was chanting his name or visualizing the one with the name ‘Om’, it hardly mattered to me. Nevertheless, I was on cloud nine!

“Papa, I will come along with you to the cremation ground.” I insisted as he was sick from a prolonged illness, and I used to accompany him in all the business dealings and other events.

“Females do not go to cremation grounds.” He softly said.

“I am taking care of your business which is a male dominated one. Please allow me.”

When we both were adamant on our points and could not convince each other, I suggested a middle path, “I will accompany you only up to the main gate of the premises.”

“Agreed.” He said, now more softly.

Unaware of the peace pact between me and my father, our driver parked the car inside the premises as there was no parking space outside. As soon as my father got out of the car, he looked towards me and ordered, “Stay here.” I nodded. This was my first visit to a cremation ground. To my surprise there was nobody except the security guard. There were trees planted in a line, shrubs growing in a cluster and some seasonal plants here and there in the beds. Overall, the greenery was breathtaking. The place was so serene and calm, that one yearned to meditate. Some birds were there, not chirping rather mingling with the quietness of the surroundings. Peacocks were standing under the shade or sitting on the green grass without any fear. They too were on silent mode. Not even a single leaf was moving to make any kind of sound or to create any rustle in the peaceful environment. All living beings were still and silent. I had never experienced such a deep silence.  An engulfing silence!

On that day, I was devoid of any emotion of sadness, grief or pain. If there was a little bit emotion somewhere left in me, it was to take care of my father so that he didn't break down. I saw my father coming back after performing the rituals. I looked towards his face. His face was calm. There was no grief, no disturbance, no sorrow, no agitation rather an immense peace. As if he was taking along some peace strings from the serenity of the environment with him and leaving behind the sadness of the sorrowful past. In my heart, I knew that he was going through one of the toughest phases of his life but not a single tear came out of his eyes. Silently, I admired how strong he was!

While returning home, I was chanting 'Om' without visualizing 'buried Om'. After all we all are mortal beings! 

Pic : Pexels

An Open Confession

“Oh my God! This beggar recites abuses like if he is chanting a mantra.” I thought when I saw a shabby beggar hurling abuses without taking a pause in between. He was so clumsy that it seemed that last time he must have bathed in his past life. When I was in my mid-twenties, daily I used to visit Hanuman Temple in Sanatan Dharam Mandir, Hisar. Whenever his time and my time to visit the temple clashed, it only disturbed me as his mind was as dirty as his clothes. I tried my best to distance myself from him. Whenever I saw him in the temple, I stayed away from him and sometimes I waited for him to finish his special prayers. Although I wanted to put my hands on my ears to shut those filthy words, but I could not do out of care that I might be hurting him even more as I did not know from which brutal situations he was passing through or had passed through which resulted in his severe bitterness for every human being and even for God.

Almost 400 years back, this temple was constructed. Hanumanji was engraved on a stone. From then, every day the priest did the shringar (decoration) of Hanumanji with sindoor, chameli ka tel, silver foil, eye-catching dresses, vibrant angvastram, adorable garlands of artificial flowers of various sizes and stunning silver mukut  and other jewelry. It was the only deity towards which I felt a strong attraction. The more I looked at it, the more I wanted to admire it. I just wanted to appreciate Him without blinking my eyes. Forgetting about the outside world, I used to continuously watch Him, to get fully absorbed in the nectar of His Divine Love. He was irresistible. I loved to see Him, I loved to pray to Him, I loved to sing the glories of Him, and I loved to bring gifts for Him. For a couple of years, almost daily I used to visit that temple. Later, when my life became busy, I visited it as soon as I found the time. Even now, whenever I visit Hisar I never miss the chance to have a glance of my loving deity. My profession changed, my lifestyle changed, my spiritual experiences changed, my city changed, my color of hair changed but my prayers remain the same to Hanumanji. What I prayed to Him in my twenties I still pray the same.

Recently contemplating on my life, I realized that I never tried to help that beggar in any way neither with my soothing words nor by helping him materialistically. Instead, I distanced myself from him. I never tried to understand the reasons or the situations behind his utmost frustrations, that lead to him from saying those dirty words instead of God’s name even in a peaceful and serene place like a temple. What I did with him, Hanumanji did the same to me. Hanumanji distanced Himself from me. How much I worshipped Him, how much I cried for Him to come, how much I asked Him to help me, how many times I chanted Hanuman Chalisa but all my prayers went unheard.

I made a mistake, which I could never correct. Paul Bear Bryant said, “When you make a mistake, there are three things you should ever do about it; admit it, learn from it and don’t repeat it.”

Pic : Hanuman Temple, Sanatan Dharam Mandir, Hisar 

Love in Action - Sharing of My Favorite Piece of Jewelry

Will I be able to happily part with my favorite piece of jewelry?

I opened my fist in which I was holding a beautiful necklace made up of gold studded with various gems. How many times has my mother visited the jeweler to blend it perfectly with my taste? The jeweler had innovatively shaped and soldered the golden metal and very delicately studded the tiny pieces of gems and stones in it to give it a unique design. That novel piece of art was always close to my heart. Now, as a saintly heart I decided to part it with, to make someone else's life beautiful. I gave a last close look to it. I closed my eyes to pray. I closed my fist and bent towards the driver’s seat window and handed that to the woman standing near to the car. She was happy to receive this unexpected gift. She expressed her gratitude in a very decent way. Her etiquette surprised me.

A wife of a car driver with such decent manners! I could not resist myself and asked the driver when the car started moving again on the zigzag roads. He told me, “I am only eighth pass. I could not study further because my father died when I was in school, soon after I have to start earning, but my wife is a postgraduate in science and is presently teaching in a reputed school. And we both opted for love marriage to which our families happily agreed. I have two beautiful kids. We are a happy family but in Corona time there were almost negligible tourists. I could not bear the maintenance cost of my two taxis therefore I had to sell my one car at a very low price. It was a quite big financial loss for us.”

Earlier as soon as I boarded the taxi, he told me that he forgot to bring the mask. I told him that I had an extra mask if you wish I could share it with him. He said, “My house is situated on the road, moreover my wife will come to handover the mask to me. I can buy a new one from the market, but I do not want to waste my money.” I then and there decided to bless them with wealth and happiness. Charity means love in action.

Harold S. Kushner said, “Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.”

Pic : Pixabay

Rowdy Baby - A Viral Song

I was damn tense!

I twisted, turned and tried hard to sleep but could not because I was disturbed. One business related problem was causing anxiety to me. Whenever I am tense, I find myself addicted to mobile. I searched for my tension-soothing device. While surfing I came across a Tollywood actress ‘Sai Pallavi’ who rejected a two crore advertisement deal with a fairness cream calling her as ‘Indian Color’ and the doctor actress further added that Africans have their own color, and they are beautiful. She is not a trained dancer, but her dance moves are like a breeze, and she dances like a gazelle. I typed ‘Dances by Sai Pallavi’ and the search results showed ‘Rowdy Baby’. I loved this song, the beats, the moves, the set, the dresses and the shoes. I watched it 8-10 times which relaxed my mind and I could then easily slip into sleep.

‘Rowdy baby’ song from the movie ‘Maari-2’ is the most viewed Indian song on YouTube until now. It has about 140 crores views. Sai Pallavi and Dhanush are shaking their legs on Prabhu Deva’s dance steps. I do not know Tamil, but I still I know its lyrics. :) Some points I would like to share that I noticed while watching it repeatedly are as follows:-

1.      The person with black hat is holding a guitar but does not know how to play it.

2.      The same person imitates a difficult dance step by Sai Pallavi and falls off.

3.      Sai Pallavi is wearing blue bangles with her white suit, which match perfectly with the latkan hanging from the left side of her waist.

4.      The girl dancing on a dual color Lambretta of olive green and white paint is doing basic steps which she must have learnt in her nursery class. :) Moreover, she has a fear of falling off.

5.      The shoes, decorated as man and woman, are eye-catching.

6.      In the end, you would feel that it was a long shoe advertisement. :D

Till now, I have watched this shoe ad. more than 250 times. :)

The next day in the morning while meditating on Mother Divine I found my mind was relaxed and free from all sorts of worries. I could very easily focus on Her. She blessed me with her darshan. This time Her face was big, the eyes bigger and she was too close to my face as if She wanted to caress and bless me.

Pic : Pixabay

Ice Ice Baby!

Belch! I felt like vomiting.

Sitting on my asana, I bent forward a bit to vomit. Suddenly I had felt a severe sensation of vomiting but that stayed only up to my throat, and nothing came out of my mouth. After I had restricted my diet, I never felt like burping. I could not figure out the reason whether I ate more dry fruits or it was the sudden shoot up of environmental temperature in the hot humid summer. But I knew for sure that I was feeling like sitting amid fire flames. They were burning me from inside as well as from outside. The heat was intense and unbearable for me. It was causing me much discomfort and uneasiness.

I recalled that many years back, I read about a saint that had a burning sensation all over his body due to intense meditation. The burning sensation became intolerable for him. To experience the coolness, he jumped into a nearby pond, but the searing pain did not cease. As soon as I finished my chanting, I hurried for a shower bath. The cooling water refreshed me a little. I felt relieved and relaxed. I did not wipe my body so that coolness remained for a longer time.

Once again, I sat down to do my remaining prayers. There was a feeling of freshness outside but internally the burning sensations of fire flames were engulfing me. I found it unbearable to continue further but with great difficulty somehow, I completed the chanting. I recalled that Swamiji used to eat snow when He was doing intense meditation in the Himalayas. I rushed towards the refrigerator. I opened the freezer, took out the ice tray, twisted it's both ends in opposite directions and popped three ice cubes in my mouth. Slowly the ice started melting in my mouth. I could feel the coolness passing from mouth to gullet then to oesophagus. Cold-water drops calmed the intense heat waves. How many ice cubes in total I ate on that day I do not remember now but definitely the cool-cool formula worked for me.

Whenever any obstacle has hindered my spiritual journey, the wisdom of great saints has always guided me to overcome that. No worldly advice, only with the musings of great men I am treading my solitary path.

Pic : Pixabay