Feed others before you feed yourself

 

My mantra of life is to feed others before I feed myself. It is my way to express gratitude to nature for blessing me with delicious and nutritive food. It has been near about more than twenty years that I eat something only after I have feed someone else. Earlier my rules were very strict that I even did not drink water before feeding other living creature. Like many other kind heart people, it is my routine to feed cows, stray dogs and birds in the morning.

Down the memory lane, when I was in my mid-twenties, I was staying with my family at guesthouse in PUSA institute, Delhi. Instead of driving, my brother and I decided to go for a morning walk. I was holding a small jhola (bag) containing food items for cow, dog and birds. PUSA institute has huge shady and flowery trees of numerous varieties. On them, plenty of birds of all kinds lived. Under a shady tree, on a not so smooth slab I put some rice grains for feathered friends.

We walked and talked. He about the books, he had read and I about the movies that I had watched. He about the friends and I about the relatives. He about the dreams and I about the Truth.

He pointed towards a small black dog that was sniffing something in the heap of dry leaves. I went closed to it and fed it with biscuits. It was so hungry, it wanted more but there were no more biscuits left in the jhola. I instructed, “Enough for today. Excess of biscuits is harmful for health.”

The sun rose above the horizon and became brighter and warmer. We strolled on the road that seemed endless. Although we were, a bit tired as we had been walking for more than two hours but there was no place to sit and take rest. Therefore, we keep moving.

We reached the end of PUSA institute boundary, crossed the main road and entered the streets of nearby colony most probably it was Inderpuri. In search of a cow, we were roaming from one lane to another. My brother, who started feeling hungry by this time, noticed a halwai preparing hot bread pakodas. He wanted to have some but did not want to have it alone. Reluctantly he strolled a few more feet, noticed a calf at the far end of a narrow street.

He pleaded, “Di, ab isse se kam chal lo!” (Didi, now, feed this poor creature!)

Thinking if calf was here, so its mother would also be nearby, I moved further alone. Before I could reach it, I saw two cows standing in the side lane.

On returning, I saw him waiting for me holding a huge brown paper bag containing something fried and a Bisleri water bottle.

I took three sips of cold water to quench my thirst. We both started back munching steaming hot bread pakodas. I thanked nature for blessing me with delicious breakfast and a caring brother!

Pic : I am feeding a baby nilgai. :)

Thank you email to a stranger

Surf! Surf!! Surf!!!

As soon as I got time, I found myself searching internet with one single topic in my mind ‘Experiences in meditation’. I typed different related words in various search engines to explore a wider circle. After hours and hours of searching, what I got was irrelevant and junk information only.

 

After reading a book by Swami Sivananda, I made a firm decision that I wanted to awaken my Kundalini Energy. I tried a specific pranayama mentioned there to wake up the sleeping coiled serpent. Less than 10 times, I performed and I could feel the sensations in my Muladhara Chakra. Unbelievable but true!

 

The energy was moving, which I could feel while doing meditation or just before sleeping. It was behaving as a wild energy travelling across various body parts with different intensities. It was driving me crazy! To search out the reason for this bewilderment, I was searching net as the books I had didn’t contain much information about it.

 

It was 2013, my search continued until one day I landed on a site, which explained it so well. According to that, Kriyas are involuntary body movements, which happen after Kundalini Awakening. The spontaneous movements are the result of the Prana, the intense energy moving through 72,000 Nadis cleaning our spiritual and physiological blocks. They are integral part of Kundalini Yoga and they are different during different phases of spiritual growth. There are 125,000 types of spiritual experiences. The sole purpose of these experiences is the cleaning of our physical and subtle body. In short, we can call them ‘Broom’. (On the same topic, I watched Om Swamiji videos many years later here and here)

On subscribing, I received a newsletter from that site on 25^th May, 2013. I wrote back though not sure for a human reply, “Thanks for creating such an informative website for beginners!”

Hurray! I received ‘Thanks’.

Now, I wrote a detailed letter. I thanked him sincerely for clarifying my doubts, removing fear of future and showing me the right path. After exchange of few emails, he shared some useful resources for a seeker who were in search of God Realization.

1.      Yahoo group of Sivananda daily teachings (now inactive).

2.      Swami Anubhavanada who shares excellent practical view of life. Guru Shopping 1 of 6 @ Melb 2012 - YouTube

3.      OmSwami who writes blogs from his Ashram in Himachal Pradesh…wonderful thoughts: http://www.omswami.com (now os.me ) His view of what is God - What is God? - YouTube

I am sure there are many more. But as long as you read the above they will keep you on track to the Divine.

In Oct, 2020 there was a Black Lotus Task to express gratitude verbally or through email. I emailed him.

Thankyou for introducing Om Swamiji's teachings to me in 2013. I had a personal meeting with him in Nov, 2018 and June, 2019. He changed my life and helped me in becoming calmer and kinder. I have subscribed his teaching on os.me and Black Lotus App. Hope you are good. 

He replied, “GREAT! I am happy about it. Thanks.”

Stern faced woman

“She does so much charity- feeding stray dogs; provide water for birds and small animals but there is no happiness on her face. I never noticed her smiling!” I told my yoga students when I saw that stern faced woman passing through the pavement.

My students were fonder of gossiping than yoga after all they were like their teacher. :)

One elderly student narrated her story, “Many years back her husband accidentally fell in the water tank situated in their farm house. It was a deep tank, full of water. It was almost impossible to come out of that tank. Somehow, he came out. God saved him and he decided to devote his rest of life to God. He took sanyasa and constructed an ashram in the farmhouse. Now he lived there and never visited the city. She raised her children alone who were young at that time although they were financially sound but you know how hard it is being a single mother. Her children are now well settled. To keep a balance, half month she stayed with her children and other half in the ashram.”

When I became divine for a day ....... :)

 

It was Thursday, my fast day! Around 7:45am, I had my breakfast which include mostly fruits and dry fruits with my eyes glued on Om Swamiji’s Hindi discourse ‘Attainment of Siddhis Part -3’. I was chewing and swallowing food too slowly and of course somewhat mindfully. I was feeling that I was doing a yagya!

 

 At 12:15 pm, it was papaya time! On my fast days, most of the time I consume papaya in lunch. It is delicious and loaded with nutrients. Its vibrant ochre yellow colour made my dull fast plate attractive. Beside it, roasted channa, sweet samak, sautéed makhanas, apple, grapes, orange and a bowl full of aloo curd (without spices) were there. My philosophy of life is ‘Jindagi mein kuch achchhaa ho ya na ho per khanna badiya hona chahiye.’ (Whether life blessed with anything decent or not but food should always be pleasing!)  

 

I could not have my meals without watching cartoon or movie clippings but I had replaced this bad habit with watching YouTube videos and discourses by Om Swamiji. I watched and I ate, I ate and I watched. Once again, I was watching ‘Attainment of Siddhis Part-3’ during my lunchtime. My speed of consuming regular meals in 15 minutes slowed down to 30 minutes. It was the sweet taste of papaya that I was enjoying or relishing my meal like a God or both.

 

My third meal was also as if I was doing my trikal sandhya. I sipped mango shake little by little as if I was feeding divine in me very gently and patiently.

 

There was one person in my each circle – outer and inner who had given me good amount of tension and stress, with the result of that my mind on the slightest thought of theirs kept throwing arrows of negativity at them. They hurt me and I was hurting them with my powerful thoughts. Next day, it was different! I was divine. I was God. I felt no negativity for them instead the awakened divine in me wished to thank them for giving me so much stress and tension. If I were never so much stressed, I would have never meditated so hard. The continuous stress in my outer and inner circle mostly from them forced me to meditate incessant to calm my mind. I meditated. I meditated more. I had glimpse of MA! :)

 

The whole day I kept expressing my gratitude to both of them for being in my life! :)

 

I decided to make it my practice to eat mindfully and feel divine while having meals. However, that experience never repeated. Oh! That must be papaya magic!

Triangle in meditation

When I closed my eyes for meditation for the first time, I saw only darkness- a vast ocean. I continued my practice for a few months; a tiny dot started appearing in between that darkness. The size, colour and stability of that dot changed for the next few months. Then, it became brighter, wider and steady, with a distinct recognisable colour. It was just an elemental light representing a particular element out of five elements Prithvi – Earth, Agni –Fire, Vayu –Wind, Akasa –Sky, Apas/ Jal –Water. The appearance of light confirmed my progress in concentration but for further advancement, the dazzling dot had to be ignored.

I continued my practice for years and years and one day I saw a triangle in meditation. SwamiSivananda says, “One whose food is moderate, whose anger has been controlled, who has given up all love for society, who has subdued his passions, who has overcome all pairs (heat and cold etc.) who has given up his egoism, who does not bless anyone nor take anything from others – such a man during meditation obtains it (the triangle) in the face.”

 Actually, this happens in the lockdown. Due to COVID 19 spread, I was confined to my home. I had no other option then to meditate. With restaurant and hotel closed, I was left with no other option then to eat healthy and nutritive home cooked food. I hardly get any business calls in a day so my anger was in check. It was useless to get angry at a virus because it was of no use to shout at someone who could not hear you. There was no reason to lose temper therefore, I could maintain my calmness and silence with ease. I could not meet relatives and friends to shower my love on them as I was confined to my home and I did not have much liking for chatting on mobile so I was in a sort of solitude. There were not pairs like friends and enemies but only one thing to protect everyone from that deadly virus. ‘Vasudev Kutumbkam’ was my dominant thought at that time as virus could affect anybody and everybody. I was praying for the society under Om Swamiji’s guidance. His words helped me to shed ‘I’ and to think about ‘US’. Beside all this, I was attending many online Sivananda Yoga classes – Open Class, Kids Yoga, Advance Yoga, 108 Surya Namaskar Class, Backward Bending, Forward Bending, Chakra Opener, Mandala Meditation. I even attended Yoga for Seniors because it was free.   

 In such a difficult situation, Nature forced me rather blessed me with a vision of triangle in meditation!

My little effort to improve my command on English

 Once in my early twenties, I decided to improve my English by reading a book. I brought ‘The Discovery of India’ from library and started reading it with Oxford Dictionary beside me to check the meaning of difficult words. I had hardly read one paragraph then my brother peeked into my room. He was shocked to see me reading a book. He said, “Didi, in holidays are you reading a book?”

I replied, “Yes. To improve my command on English.”

“Which book?”

“The Discovery of India”

“रहने दो दीदी, नेहरू कब्र में से उठ कर आ जायेगा।" (Nehru will come out of his grave in surprise!)

MA Kali laughed!

“Which fruit do you like to eat?” I said to a dark colour girl in shabby clothes with dishevelled hair.

Her face was stern. May be she did not understand my accent!

I requested the shop vendor to ask her.

“Which fruit do you want to eat? Apple, Orange or Banana?” He asked in a loud voice and the words she could get.

She smiled. She smiled more. She giggled. She giggled more.

“Tell quickly! What do you like?”

She laughed uncontrollably.

“Speak up!” He raised his voice a bit.

In between her laughs, she said with great difficulty. “Apple.”

I picked up some fresh apples from the crate and handed over them to the shopkeeper for weighing.

“1 Kg for Rs. 90/-.” He told.

After completing my Nav Durga Sadhana, I had to donate the set aside money (Rs. 10/- per day) for a noble cause for a girl. It was a coincidence that it totalled the same. I paid the money and turned back. She was still laughing. I handed over the packet to her. She was laughing and swinging in a rhythmic manner.

Crazy!

“Eat one.” I asked her. I was not sure whether she would get any apple to munch on reaching home.

She took a bite from the reddest one. Now, she was laughing hysterically and simultaneously trying to chew the bite. She lost her grip on the apple. And it was on the dusty floor. She laughed. She picked it up. Her hair was frowzled. Her teeth were shinning white. Her tongue was lolling. Her red lips were beaming. She looked darker.

She laughed wildly.

MA Kali was laughing!