I Am Most Attached to My Spiritual Experiences.

“I am really surprised to know that you can’t remember what you have recently written on your blog.” My mentor said a bit agitatedly to me.

“After writing I forgot what I have written. It is a boon as well as a bane.” I replied and tried to pacify him on hearing the words of praises about my latest post of which I could not even recall the topic. He made fun of me that I could not remember what I had jotted down a day before.

I wrote about my spiritual experiences on my blog so that I could easily forget them. These experiences were like heavy weighted baggage and I had to put them down to feel light so that I could move forward with ease. In general, spiritual experiences were like milestones on a highway but most of the time a seeker like me made a grave mistake of being attached to them by constant contemplating on its beauty and magnetism. Then, the milestones turned into traps. Suppose while travelling in a train, I spotted a beautiful lake with lotus flowers amongst the mountains, not only I kept brooding on it even after moving away from it but also had a strong desire to go back to enjoy that scene for some more time. The striking scene constantly kept hitting my head, which I found almost impossible to shed off, ultimately became a shackle because of my mere ignorance.

Nevertheless, as I advanced in practice it really became difficult to be detached from those experiences as they were about my weakest point. I had to walk through once again down the memory lane where even my shadow haunted me. Even if the spiritual experiences were the most pleasing, delightful and gratifying, they haunted me like ghosts in a dark room. It really became hard to ignore them and forget about forgetting them.

Till date I have had numerous spiritual experiences. In my dreams, I had seen various idols of Lord Hanuman, colored full vision of Lord Dattatreya, Glimpse of Ma Kalratri and many times had darshan of Om Swamiji. In meditation, I had seen different coloured lights like yellow, white, and a mixture of red, indigo, blue coloured dots, lines of various sizes sometimes crossing each other, a triangle, vision of Om Swamiji’s silhouette, vision of Ma Kalratri’s fierce eyes, Ma Katyayani’s delicate lips, Ma Skandmata’s greenish sober eyes, Ma Shailputri’s third eye, myself adorned with jewellery as Goddess, Mother Divine’s meenakshi eyes and Mother Divine’s attractive face from front as well as from side.

Nearly a decade back, I had experienced bliss, a mini Samadhi. ;) In which, I forgot to breathe, I could not see or hear anything and found myself immersed in ecstasy. Besides this, I was also blessed when Swamiji was 24 years old, an astral body experience, and His tears, Him as Shiva and Shakti. I was whimpering from the past seven months while chanting and meditating, my eyes welled up on remembering God and sometimes it became difficult to control my tears even publicly. Above all, I had telepathy with Om Swamiji. :) Sometimes the reception is weak on my side because of my negative thoughts. ;) Soon, my name will appear in Guinness Book of World Record for wide range of variety in spiritual experiences. ;) The most surprising fact was that I never had any spiritual experiences, neither in dream nor in meditation, related to my deity whom I worshipped day and night. In meditation, only I saw various intensity of brightness and different sized indigo dots of the same color as that of my deity. Moreover, this color was considered as the rare color to be seen in meditation. The vision of this color in meditation gave vairagya quickly.

Was I puffed up with spiritual pride after acquiring a few experiences? My pride had enhanced the feeling of separateness from others as I looked upon others with contempt. My arrogance became a serious obstacle to God's realization. It was an unhealthy attachment, and it was blocking my vision to see through. My lower nature was not purified yet.

The spiritual experiences were like fragrant garlands, which became tight shackles for me as I kept thinking about them and was not able to focus on my object of meditation. I was giving too much importance to them and felt that I was distracted from my path. I was unable to remain indifferent from these experiences. I found it difficult to interpret and contemplate them. I could not understand tenses till date then how could I understand the deep meaning of these spiritual experiences. ;) They were the silver lining, which was even thicker than my negative emotions like anger or egoism. I had to wipe it so that I could progress further. These visions and spiritual experiences would come and go, but they were never the goal of my meditation. I was working hard to substitute them with higher thoughts. I had to diligently remove conceit and boastfulness, to realize Divinity. Detachment from spiritual experiences whether pleasing or horrible was necessary for spiritual progress. It is truly said that the less attached you are, the more peaceful you are!

Swami Vishnu Devananda in Meditation and Mantras says, “Looking back to past experiences gives life to the memory-picture, reinforces and pulls the mind away from its true nature. A sage never looks back; he concentrates only on identification with the Absolute.” My final and true goal of meditation was the direct experience of God. Meditation was the treacherous path of difficulties where each hindrance served only as a challenge to goad me onto a higher achievement. I jotted down all my experiences so that I could overlook them and started afresh as an infant who did not have an iota of idea about what spiritual experiences were. Just innocent I in MA’s tender lap! :)

Last time when I was in ashram, in one of his discourses Swamiji said, “Spiritual experiences are like a breeze. They come and go. Only for a small period, you experienced the coolness. However, the presence of Mother Divine is as if you have switched on an air conditioner. The cool air is always there.” (Sorry I could not remember the exact words said by Him, but this was the gist.)

Even after thorough search, I could not find the air conditioner button. I had full faith that whenever I would be ready, He would turn on the switch for me. :)

Pic : Pixabay

A Big NO to Retirement

‘Retirement’

This word never existed in my parent’s dictionary. They worked hard throughout their lives for their children, for their families and for the society. Even after retiring from a decent post and having ample of funds, my father continued to work day and night. A few years later, he fell sick. However, his illness was never a hurdle in his work routine. He used to open his office at 9 a.m. and closed it around 7 p.m. without taking a break on Sundays and holidays like Diwali, Holi etc. His philosophy of life was ‘Work is Worship’. To cope up with my father’s hectic schedule my mother would always be busy with cooking, home management, creating beautiful articles of knitting, stitching and embroidery, attending friends and relatives and doing charitable work. She had not retired even now. I am surprised to see a septuagenarian working hard even at this age to manage her funds, to learn accounting and to write with keypad on online platforms.

Betty White said, “Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren't going to get rid of me that way.”
Retirement can be defined as a time to enjoy life and relax, without any pressure from work. My life is dedicated to society and social causes, and I truly enjoy it. I totally agree with Toba Beta who in ‘Master of Stupidity’ said, “You get old faster when you think about retirement.” Irrespective of my age, I will continue to do my charity work without getting tired and retired from it. For the constant supply of funds in my various acts of kindness, I have to hammer away to maintain a balance between the cash inflow and cash outflow. I will go on to generate and share funds till my last breath.

I will not retire from cooking various dishes, trying new recipes and experimenting with new foodstuffs. Cooking is my lifeline as it is an art, science and craft of food alchemy. It is like a food adventure in which I adore losing myself in the rituals of chopping, sautéing, simmering and garnishing. It is a great stress buster. Moreover, I love to satiate myself with my culinary skills as well as by savoring delicious dishes. Food provides nourishment for the body, but cooking provides nourishment for the soul. Dishes cooked by me have special powers to bless the famished with prosperity and happiness. I cannot back from using my special powers for the welfare of the society.

Whenever I entered a property, just in a glance I can scan it and can tell the monetary position, wealth accumulated, happiness status and other things about the residents or its owners. I can suggest rectification for their welfare and betterment. I cannot retire from giving advice based on my knowledge of Vastushastra. With my jyotish gyana (knowledge of astrology), I can suggest native to do some charity and if he does it, he definitely feels better. It is my intuitive power or the power that I have accumulated from my nonstop charity work, I do not know.

I cannot retire from planting trees because if we wish to breathe in fresh air in future, we have to plant trees and some more trees. Moreover, retirement is just out of question without developing a new variety of mango tree, which can be harvested in winters. ;)

I love teaching and I love teaching yoga very much. Retirement from teaching and learning new practices in yoga is just not at all feasible as I wish to be a be a great yogi. I will practice it till I shed this body. Although I have taken a break from teaching yoga because of my health reasons.

When I started writing in 2009, I never thought that I would be writing continuously for more than a decade. Writing has helped me in improving my command over the English language and enhanced my vocabulary. It has also helped me in throwing away those emotions, which are baggage and bondage for me. Most of the times, when I write I am getting rid of my load. Yasunari Kawabata quoted, “I wonder what the retirement age is in the novel business. The day you die.”

I will even work after leaving this body. Whoever will chant ‘Chole Bhature Ma ki jai!’ I will quickly reach near that devotee and will elatedly bless him with prosperity, wealth and happiness. Tau phir bolo............;) Seriously speaking as the lineage guides me while doing charity, I will be guiding the generations to come after I shed this physical body. Sandra Day O'Connor said, “I need to retire from retirement.”

This very moment I will love to retire from cleaning utensils because then I will not have to eat the frog in the morning. ;) :D

Pic : A sunset of retirement on the vast canvass of life! :)

My Tiny Steps Towards Sainthood

“I will never allow you to take sannyasa (renunciation). You can do whatever prayers you like to do in your room and nobody will disturb you.” Ma (my mother) instructed me on seeing my inclination towards sannyasa. Newton’s third law is ‘for every action there is equal and opposite reaction.’ I decided I would become a saint without taking sannyasa. I threw my bed out of my room and declared that I would sleep on floor from now onward. She tried hard to convince me to sleep on a low height bed, bed with wheels or any designer bed that fit in my Sankalpa. But I was adamant. This happened almost one and a half decade before. Till date in summers, I slept on cotton durrie and in winters on a cotton gadda (thin mattress).

When I became comfortable with the change in my sleeping habit, I challenged myself by saying goodbye to the slippers. Like saints, I began to live barefoot. Most of the time I did not wear any footwear. These restrictions I followed in my house and only my close relatives knew about it. I lived like a queen in the outer world, but I lived like a saint in the four walls of my house!  

When last time I attended Swamiji’s discourse, he looked towards me and said, “Sannyasa lene ki jaroorat kya hai (What is the need to take sannyasa)?

Pic : Pexels

This is How I Awakened My Kundalini - From Root Chakra to Crown Chakra

As my past was haunting me, I could not sleep. I was trying hard to slip into dreamland, but I was failing repeatedly. That night, I took a bold decision. From quite some time, I was struggling between my materialistic and spiritual desires; whether should I struggle more on the materialistic path or should I focus my time and energy wholly on my spiritual path. Finally, I decided I would be concentrating fully on my spiritual journey. My courageous decision was that I would awaken my Kundalini Energy, which once awakened could not be made dormant rather had to be worshiped daily without failing for a single day. I opened a book by Swami Sivananda whether that was online in pdf format or in paperback I could not recall now. I reached that page on which Kundalini awakening pranayama was written. (This pranayama is also mentioned on page no. 93 in the book ‘Japa Meditation : The Easiest Way to Calm The Mind’ authored by me.

I inhaled and exhaled as per the mentioned instructions. I hardly did that pranayama for ten times or even less then did I feel a throbbing sensation in my Muladhara Chakra. I could distinctly feel that I had awakened my Kundalini. My body was like dry twigs that just needed a spark to ignite. In Bliss Divine, Swami Sivananda said, “When there is throbbing in the Muladhara, when hairs stand on their roots, when Uddiyana, Jalandhara and Mula Bandha come involuntarily, know that Kundalini has awakened.” This happened sometime in 2011 or 2012. At that time, I did not know who Om Swami was, but He knew me well and showed me the correct path because He knew more about me (my past lives) then what I knew about myself.

In the following days, I became more confirmed as I felt jolts in my legs just before slipping into the sleep. One day in dream, I felt an electric current passing through my spinal cord. I also experienced bliss for near about 60 seconds in which my breathing stopped completely, and I felt immense joy. That was just a drop of nectar, but my heart was yearning for the ocean of nectar – Samadhi. Some months later, I felt involuntary body movements, which became vigorous with each passing day. For many years, my stomach got upset very frequently because of Kundalini jumping at Solar Plexus Chakra or because of my somewhat bad eating habits I did not know.

These days, most of the time my Kundalini was at Heart Chakra as I could feel the burning sensation there and I cried horribly while meditating. Sometimes I felt difficulty in breathing and many times coughed in deep meditation, which meant that my Kundalini was active at Throat Chakra. Generally, while worshiping Devi my Kundalini arose to Eye Chakra and during astral body experience, it reached Crown Chakra and I felt a fountain of ecstasy and joy. Finally, dhoodh mein ubal aa he gaya (Milk boils)! ;)

Pic: Pixabay

Praise is Necessary -To Keep the Wheels Turning

Two thousand rupee note flickered under a raw peeled onion!

Instead of putting the currency in moneybox, he put in on an aluminum plate and used the onion as paperweight so that it may not fly with the gust. I gave a tip of rupees two thousand to a redewala, a street vendor. He reluctantly took it. He neither expressed gratitude nor smiled. I was bewildered. It was a quite big sum of money for him as he could only sell ten to fifty rupees of his freshly prepared foodstuffs to a single customer. Even then, his face was stern!

While munching the mirchi bada (potato stuffed green chili fritter) which I bought from him, I decided to minutely observe him for some time to find out the reason or at least one reason to bring a smile on his face. Although the fritter was too tasty, but it was too spicy for me. I had a burning sensation in my mouth. To neutralize it, I needed something sweet to eat or to drink. I saw a sugarcane juice machine on a nearby stall but there was no vendor to sell it. On asking the stern-faced vendor, I came to know that he also owned this. I gave order for two glasses. He prepared it while attending the customers on both stalls. While slowly sipping the deep-green viscous liquid, I found out that he had good cooking skills, fine managing ability but poor communication skills.

I met him for the first and this would be the last time. Before leaving this place, could I bring a smile on his face? I went near his stall and smilingly said, “The mirchi bada was very delicious. I really enjoyed eating it.”

He beamed.

After all, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Leo Tolstoy in War and Peace said, “In the best, the friendliest and simplest relations flattery or praise is necessary, just as grease is necessary to keep wheels turning.”

Pic : Pixabay

My Journey from Foodie to Sainthood

“Jija ji (Brother-in-law) is out of the town!” My mausi ji (maternal aunty) uttered as soon she entered our kitchen and saw a deep-frying pan filled with hot oil on the gas stove.

“Yup, one hour before he left for three days tour to Chandigarh.” I replied and inquired, “How do you come to know?”

“Kadhai (deep-frying pan) was on the fire just a few minutes before as fumes are coming out of it. You must be frying something.” She smiled while replying.

“I just prepared paneer pakodas (cheese fritters). Do you want to taste?” I served freshly prepared pakodas with coriander chutney to her.

She took a bite and said, “So, for the next three days you guys will be partying.”

We laughed heartily.

My father loved to eat simple food- chapatti, dal (cooked pulses) or seasonal vegetable. However, my mother who was a foodie would always serve him chapatti, dal, stuffed vegetables, vegetables with curry, salad, fruits and freshly prepared cheese. Although, he never relished eating fried food like puri, bhature, pakode, samosa, tikki etc. On festivals, he just took a morsel or just a tiny piece of fried food and never asked for more. Whereas I always wondered why he made so much of money day and night if he did not want to eat delicious food. What is the need to do so much of hard work if he just wished to eat dal and roti? At that time my philosophy was chole chature khaoo prabhu ke gun gao (Relish chole bhature and sing the glory of Lord)!

Not only that he never eats oily, junk, processed, canned or frozen food but also, he never criticized the food on his plate. Whatever my mother served him he would eat it without commenting on it. Only occasionally he would say, today salt was more in veg if by chance, there was some extra salt in veg and my mother had forgotten to taste it before serving. Simple food gave him strength and vigor to work for prolonged hours. Throughout his life, he had a very good control on his taste buds, which was the underlying reason of his success in academics as well as in business.

My nature, my values, my attitude towards other people and my perspective towards life was more like that of my father. As I had worked with him for ten long years, so my style of working was also inspired from him. I was his carbon copy except his food habits. A trait that I could never acquire from him.

I was a foodie until I did a 40-day Sadhana in which I ate meal only once in a day and that too phalahara (without cereals and pulses). The Devi did not appear as distinctly as before, but I could fit into my purani (old) jeans. ;) During the last days of Sadhana, I experienced two unique experiences. Someday, one I would share with you, readers and the other one I would keep intact in my heart forever. :)

Pic : Phalahar at The Ancient Barbeque, Gurgaon in 2016.

My Second Trip to Sri Badrika Ashram

“What?” I exclaimed as T.T. told me that the ticket I was carrying with me was not a confirmed ticket of first class but 47th in the waiting list. I was shocked. I was surprised. I thought that a ticket was booked only for a confirmed ticket. I overlooked the microscopic W.L. letters written on the right-hand side of the ticket. At that time, I was standing on Kalka railway station to catch a toy train to Solan.

“Buy a passenger ticket from the ticket window and get into the last passenger compartment.” He calmly suggested.

With my luggage, I almost ran towards the ticket window at the farthest corner of the station. The ticket window was open, but the staff member was not willing to give tickets, as he was busy with some other work. I repeatedly requested him to give me ticket as early as possible. He gave me ticket after ten long minutes. Holding that precious piece of paper, I ran back on the long platform to catch the train, but it had left the station just a few minutes before.

Should I take the taxi to Solan? The construction work of flyovers was going in full swing and if there was so much rush in rail then it must be thrice on roads. Traffic jams on hills meant that I would go through severe travel sickness. To avoid uneasiness of travelling in terrain, I decided to get into another train which was about to leave after one hour. To my utmost surprise, there was no space in any compartment in that train too. I somehow get in and find a place to stand near a wall. There were people on the seats, in between the seats and their bags and baggage on the over-head racks, below the berth and scattered everywhere on the floor. I thanked God that at least I found a place to stand in this jam-packed train.

After one hour the train started, more people get into and there was no space left to move even an inch. A few minutes later, an elderly woman asked me to move a bit. I twisted and turned to make space for her movement. She opened the door, and a foul smell made me realize that I was standing, taking the support of the toilet wall of the compartment. I remembered my deity that I was not going to stand alone in this mess, you have to accompany me and felt the same what I was going through. Every time someone opened the door, the stinking smell made me felt that I was not alone; my deity was with me holding my hand and comforting me.

I was hopeful to get a seat on the next station when somebody would get down, but I did not get any seat on that day. I was unlucky to get the seat, but I was lucky to have the company of my deity. I was standing for near about four hours until I reached Solan and took a seat in my pre-booked taxi.

As soon as I reached the riverside of the ashram, I gave my bags and baggage to local guide and started running towards the ashram as only a few minutes were left in the start of the discourse. I ran madly on the hard ground, in between the rocks, uphill without stopping for taking a breath. Even if I was short of breath while climbing the hill, even then I kept pacing forward until my breath became a bit normal and I could resume running again. I ran, I ran, ignoring the ache and heaviness in my legs until I reached the discourse room before closing of the doors. As I occupied the seat in the last row of the hall, I was sweating heavily, and my face was crimson red.  

I had His darshan, His sweet smile washed away all my tiredness! :)

Pic 1: A view of Giri river near Sri Badrika Ashram

Pic 2: A view of Sri Badrika Ashram