From Fussy to Unfussy About Food

“Nani ji, I am feeling hungry.” I told my maternal grandmother when I was near about nine years old.

“You can eat hot chapattis with freshly prepared dal. See your younger brother is having his meal.” She suggested.

I peeped into his plate and noticed that the color of dal was not yellow but greenish brown. “Which dal have you prepared? I eat only yellow color dal.” I replied.

“You can eat matiri (watermelon) vegetable.”

“I love to eat water melons but I do not like the vegetable made out of it.”

“Bitter gourd vegetable, I can prepare for you as they are ready to be fry after salting.”

“I hate it, it is too bitter.” I squeezed my nose to show my disapproval for it.

“Ghiya (Bottle gaurd).”

“ I will eat ghiya vegetable when I will grow old. It is the best vegetable for elderly people.”

“If you eat ghiya now, you will never grow old.” My brother who was a man of few words spoke while filling his spoon with dal.

I never argued with my brother because I knew I would never beat a genius.

My maternal grandmother offered me twelve more options, which I refused with one or the other excuse. When my mother came back after doing shopping from the market, my naniji complained her, “The nature of your two children is totally different. One has finished his meal without making any excuse and the other one is too fussy about food. I have asked her to eat so many things but she did not like to have anything.”

“She does this before having her every meal. She will not say that I want to eat this. But I have to keep jumping from one option to another till I reach what is in her mind.” My mother replied while putting down huge shopping bags from her shoulder. She took out two packets for each one of us. She gave first one to my brother who was an adventurous eater, “I brought a new dish, stuffed tomato pakoda for you. You will love it.” Even after finishing his meal he could eat a snack, after all he was a foodie.

And I brought fresh jamuns (Indian berries) for you.” She handed it to me. On opening it, I exclaimed, “Oh! I love that!”

While progressing on my spiritual journey, I found that my food habits were a big hindrance. It was hard to cope with them. I was too fussy what to eat and what not to eat. A thought that always worried me was that saints have control over their tongues and I should have control over my taste buds if I wish to be like them. Swami Sivananda says, “Control of tongue means control of all Indriyas.”

In early Sept, 2021 my mother asked me, “Should I prepare rajma chawal for you?”

I shook my head.

“Should I prepare dal roti for you?”

Again, I shook my head.

“Would you like to have idli sambhar?”

Once again, I shook my head.

“Anything else?”

At that time I was strictly on diet that includes fruits, salad, nuts, curd, milk, soup, sometimes roasted papad and rarely saute vegetables.

When it comes to food, I was a difficult daughter for my mother and I am still a difficult daughter for her.

Pic : Pixabay

My Invisible Ochre Robe

Om Swamiji blessed me with an ochre robe. My eyes became moist and a tear or two flowed out of my eyes. I experienced this while watching a movie.

Unbelievable but true, this incident took place somewhere between my first personal audience with Him in Nov, 2018 and my second personal meeting in June, 2019. I could not remember the exact date but most probably, it was winter. As a movie lover, I had watched a lot of romantic, action, thriller, family drama and art movies. Surprisingly, I could watch anything, just anything. For a change, I decided to have a look at some spiritual movies. I asked Google Baba. From the results that it showed, I picked up the movie named ‘Adi Shankaracharya’, the first Indian movie in Sanskrit language. As the name suggested, it was about the great Hindu philosopher of 8th century who advocated Advaita Vedanta (non-dualism). The reviews said that it was a very dry movie but still I decided to watch it. I not only watched it completely but also had a spiritual experience to remember whole of my life.

In a scene, a disciple did the dandvat pranam to Adi Shankaracharya who blessed him with an ochre robe. I visualized Adi Shakaracharya as Om Swamiji and myself as that disciple. My eyes welled with tears, and I was sure He blessed me.

From that day, I felt that invisible ochre robe was always there with me, shielding and protecting me from thinking, speaking or acting iniquitously. After all, true renunciation lies in the abnegation of the mind. ‘Ochre’ is the color of fire. A fire is burning inside me that is eating up all my negativities and evil desires. To honor that ochre robe, I made a constant effort to shed negative tendencies of my mind and impure thoughts. Swami Sivananda says in ‘Bliss Divine’ that Sannyasa is Gerua (orange color) or coloring of the heart, and not of cloth alone. Sannyasa is a mental state only. He is a veritable Sannyasin who is free from passions and egoism and who possesses all the Sattvic qualities, even though he lives with the family, in the world.

The invisible ochre robe had completely transformed me in mere few years. His love, care, support and blessings had always covered me like a blanket from all sides and were forever there to guide me and to show me the right path to divinity. I tried my best to cultivate some good virtues and positive thoughts. Now, I am kinder, calmer, helpful and trying my best to be more compassionate. I totally renounce all the external beauties to embrace beauty of Self.

A few months later after watching this movie, while I was meditating wearing my invisible ochre robe, He gave darshan to me. I was blessed to have a vision of any saint for the first time in my life in meditation. And a couple of months back; He blessed me with an astral body experience. :)

Pic : Pixabay

A swing between life and death

 

As you all know that my last post was ‘I am crying profusely’ as I was experiencing spiritual crying. In the beginning, I was crying while chanting a particular Devi Mantra that I was repeating mentally most of the time, a few days later I was crying while chanting Guru Mantra as well as Lineage Mantra. Some more days passed and I found myself crying while doing almost every prayer, meditation and chanting.

Surprisingly, my crying had increased manifold from the past five days as I am crying even in public places on bus station, on railway station, on road, in market etc. I could not hold back my tears and I am crying more than 100 times in a day. Due to excessive crying, sometimes my eyes hurt. Because of constant and repeated crying for more than two and a half months had made my eyesight weak and I found it difficult to read without proper light.

Too much of crying from the past two and a half months had forced me to put my major business decisions on hold. I was just doing the routine work, that too giving needful instruction to my employees and a bit of financial work. I was not attending any calls or messages from my relatives and friends. I immersed myself in reading as well as listening to more and more books, watching more and more videos to have a better understanding of my spiritual path. I was following a disciplined life with full control over my diet, did regular pranayams and physical exercise—walking or yoga or sometimes both.

I did 40 days of Devi Sadhana, and I had a glimpse of Devi two-three times during Sadhana. A few days back while meditating on Guru Mantra, I saw myself adorned with ornaments just like a Goddess. Appearance of Devi means success on spiritual path but unfortunately, everything turned upside down.

During these days, my inner voice became strong, it kept guiding me, and answering my questions related to my spiritual journey. A few days back, I realized that it was misguiding me, and I felt cheated by my own inner self. Strange but true!

My turmoil did not end here, I found myself struggling hard to shed my negative thoughts towards my Guru. I felt that it was better to drop this body instead of having negative feelings for Him.

I was badly trapped by an emotional turmoil created by my own mind. Emotions are like waves of the ocean and my emotions had acquired the form of tsunami, rising high creating turbulence, hitting me hard and killing me mercilessly.

Some days back, while meditating all of a sudden I started breathing from my mouth; I could not breathe from my nose. I felt breathless and my whole body became numb. I found myself swinging between life and death. This experience lasted for 7 minutes. Next day, it lasted for near about 3 hours.

The problem becomes even more serious as I have not eaten anything from past 108 hours. And my water intake has drastically reduced from 15 litres per day to 1-2 litres per day. Besides that, I also have some other health issues related to that turmoil.

Among this chaos, I forget how to laugh!

P.S. – I am feeling like what Pandit Gopi Krishna had written in his autobiography

‘Kundalini: The Evolutionary Energy in Man’, ‘For a long time I had to live suspended by a thread, swinging between life on the one hand and death on the other, between sanity and insanity, between light and darkness, between heaven and earth.’

Pic - Unsplash

Sparkling smile more valuable than golden bangles

“Not a single bus has arrived till now. It seems that it will not come for another two hours or so. Will you arrange a taxi up to the railway station so that I can catch my train on time?” Early morning, I inquired of my travel agent.

He replied, “Today is Vishvakarma Day, everyone worships their vehicles, some return on work but most of the people take a half-day or full-day rest. Let me talk to a young guy, maybe he will be interested.”

He called back to inform us that a taxi had been arranged which would take about one and a half hour to reach the railway station and would charge Rs. 2000/-. He also shared the phone number of that person so that I could contact him.

When the taxi arrived, I asked the taxi driver to arrange my baggage at the back so that I could sit in the front seat because I had severe travel sickness that aggravates in a hilly area. He drove smoothly and I did not feel uneasy throughout the route. Moreover, we reached the railway station quite early. I gave him the fare, which he readily accepted, and a dazzling golden bangle, which he hesitated to accept. I said, “Yesterday was Diwali, the festival of lights. This bangle is made up of gold and it costs approximately one lakh. Please take it.” He gently took it and put it in the car's cup holder.

After handing over the bags and baggage to me, he came forward, his eyes dripping with gratitude and with folded hands, he said with a sparkling smile, “May God bless you with more!”

I replied, “It will be auspicious for you.”

I turned around and started moving towards the station thinking that I had never met this person before nor would I ever meet him again, still, I gave him valuable piece of jewellery, thinking that it would not only design but also sparkle his future. My day became more beautiful after donating beautiful jewellery!

Crazy me, visualized myself as Goddess of Wealth, donated another dazzling bangle to some other needy person! ;)

Pic : Pixabay

A simple wish

“Why do you make so many errors? If you make so, make silly mistakes then how will you bagged an award?” My father scolded me while correcting an official letter drafted and typed by me.

I looked up from my laptop screen and boldly told him, “Papa, you are a genius who has won numerous awards and I am an average IQ person. You still have a burning desire to win more awards and I have no desire to win any award. I have only one desire i.e., to do charity and I am happy with that.” After that, he never scolded me at least for an award despite he handed over a huge sum of money for my charity work.

On a spiritual path, I do not have any desire for attainment of Siddhis i.e., psychic, magical powers or supernatural abilities to have clairvoyance, levitation, bilocation, becoming as small as an atom, materialization, and having access to memories from past lives. I have a tiny desire that I never had any negative thoughts towards my Guru Om Swamiji. And I am happy with that.

Today is 11th day of fasting. With that devouring chole bhature becomes a big wish in my life! ;)

Pic : Unsplash

I Am Crying Profusely

“Rana Sangha had 80 wounds, had lost one arm and one eye in the battlefield. He was feeling severe pain in his whole body but still, he kept fighting on the battlefield. He was so brave.” My mother narrated his valor story to me while applying ointment on my knee wound.

I was crying horribly. I fell upon a rough surface while playing hopscotch and injured my knee. Most probably, I was 5 years old at that time.

“He did not cry. He was so brave. You are my Rana Sangha!” She gently patted my left cheek with love.

I wiped my tears.

Thereafter, I became Lady Rana Sangha. Any physical, emotional, mental or financial wound could not affect me, could not distress me. Slowly and gradually with time, I not only learnt to control my tears but emotions as well. I became rough and tough, a fearless and tearless woman.

Since a few days, I have been going through some Kundalini awakening experiences, like burning sensation around heart chakra, mild headache in one or the other part of head and loss of appetite (lost 2 kg in 14 days without exercising and without following any strict diet plan).

I experienced some of the weirdest of weird spiritual experiences, which could only be experienced and could not be shared with even my keyboard. My intelligent brain kept telling me that they were not spiritual experiences rather they were wild imaginations, therefore, avoid paying attention to them. However, I could not ignore them and I started crying uncontrollably. I had never cried that hard ever before.

Generally, my eyes became moist whenever I had a spiritual experience. Sometimes, one or two raindrops fell from my eyes. This time, I was crying horribly.

Dear readers, I could not share my weird experiences with you but I could definitely share my tears with you.

P.S. - सुबह से रोते रोते मेरे tissue paper खत्म हो गए हैं। Please एक tissue paper pass on करना। ;) :D

Background music - रोते रोते हंसना सीखो...

Pic : Pixabay

Wherever there's a hang-up, You'll find the Spiderman!

Venom, the villain locked us in a small cage as soon as he kicked Spider-Man far away. Spider-Man got up and hurriedly came towards us to help us, Venom stopped him in midway where they had a good fight. He punched hard and Spider-Man fell off. We were not able to see Spider-Man. We were worried about Spider-Man. With lightning speed, Venom came towards us and pushed the cage. Now, we were worried about our lives too. The cage tumbled and tumbled and started falling steeply from the rooftop of a high rising building towards the ground. The caged crowd was screaming loudly and shouting for help. However, I was calm and serene as I was sure Spider man would come to save us. Amongst all those chaos, my mind was busy singing ‘Spiderman, Spiderman! Wherever there's a hang-up, you'll find the Spiderman!’ And just before the cage hit the ground, he was right there with his spider webs to hold us from falling any further and hitting hard against the road. Everybody breathed a sigh of relief!

More than a decade ago, I experienced this in the spider man 7D movie theater in Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida.

In this incidence, I was quite sure my superhero would come and save me. Simultaneously my mind was aware of the ‘modern maya’ created by high-tech videos and special effects. The artificial environment was created to produce the effect of false reality, a story that minds believed.

In this story, the disciple was sure that his superhero, his Guru would save him before anything horrific happened. His mind was also aware of the false worldly illusion known as Maya. Swami Sivananda says, “That which truly is not, but appears to be, is Maya. Maya is neither true nor false. It is truly false and falsely true. It is neither real nor unreal.” He further suggested the way to control it, “Control of mind is control of Maya. Control of Maya is control of mind. Maya plays through mind. Maya havocs through mind. Maya vanishes entirely as soon as the knowledge of Supreme Self dawns.”

Om Swamiji says, “Don’t let the illusion fool you.”

Tobey is my favorite spider man, and yours?

Pic : Unsplash