My World - Ma, bhai and….

 

The day he died, I realized that he was an integral part of my life. Before that, I never felt that he was an important part of my tiny world.

Since childhood days, Ma (my mother) and bhai (my brother) were always with me to share life stories, to relish meals, to play indoor games, to do art and craft work, to listen to radio, to solve my emotional problems, and to have fun in every moment of this blessed life. But my father was never there to enjoy those precious moments with us. As he was always busy in making money, working for success in his career, winning numerous awards including the highest fellowship award in his field ‘B.P. Pal Fellowship’ and in obeying his father’s orders. He never had the time for us. Moreover, I could count on my fingers those vacations or festivals on which I spent some time with him. However, he was always there in my life to feed me bitter medicines, to make me recite tables while standing close to a wall on a cold night, to scold me on my slightest mistakes. An emotional bond was never built up with him. It was like that seed, which never germinated!

The tears welled up in my eyes as I opened the office file and saw a note in his handwriting on the third page of the same file. He had jotted down some important points on the border of the page, which made my work easier. He was there to guide me with his scribbles but was not present physically. Taking the file with me, I hurriedly left his room and came to my room to calm my emotions. They subsided a bit. Soon after this, I needed a diary to consult some business-related issue; I gathered my courage and went back in his room to get that. As I opened it, I found a newspaper cutting, on which a quote was written which highlighted the importance of hard work over destiny. On every document, on every page, on every diary and on every journal contained his teachings, his guidance, his advice, his instructions and his suggestions. These all were there, only his physical body was not there!

For the next two months, I struggled with my emotions and when I found that I was not able to focus on my business, I shifted into a property where I had never spent a single minute with him leaving Ma and bhai behind. On that day, I understood that I had a much stronger emotional bond with him than what I had experienced with Ma and bhai although I never realized it till, he was alive. It was my sheer ignorance to overlook the thick, dense and blooming tree that was fully grown in my heart!

From the past ten years, after he fell severely ill, my daily routine was to enter his room at 8 am and leave his room around 7 pm. All day long, I took care of him and his business. I was his peon, his cook, his typist, his accountant, his wealth manager, his risk manager, his general manager, and his personal secretary. When he saw that I was serving him while forgetting myself, he gifted me a property. He had a very strong desire that I must progress spiritually which he could not do because of his busy schedule and his strong materialistic desires. In the gifted property, I did most of my Sadhanas and Devis always gave darshan to me. Swamiji too visited me in an astral body in the same house.

After He blessed me with the astral body experience in which I felt that my Kundalini rose up to the crown area, only His Padam Feet are my world! :)

Pic – Unsplash

Vision of Ma’s Third Eye - My Kundalini rose to Agya Chakra

One eye!? Why I couldn’t see another one?

While meditating I saw only one eye, which was quite different from my earlier experiences when I saw both the eyes of various Goddesses very clearly. I was having a vision of only one eye near about 7-8 months back. It might be a fake experience as I might have dozed off. I reflected that I might be too tired because of workload. Moreover, I was writing and commenting too much on os.me and other social media sites, which could be effecting my concentration. Therefore, I was not able to focus properly which resulted in this weird experience. I ignored it.

Twice more I saw one eye. Now, I was sure it was a spiritual experience as my mind was always filled with divine joyfulness and a deep sense of calmness. Was it a third eye?

I asked Google Baba and came to know that it was Ma’s third eye or one’s own third eye, which meant that my Kundalini energy rose up to Agya Chakra and my third eye had started activating. Seeing an eye in meditation meant that, I could now connect to my inner self or higher self as the eye was the window to one’s soul. Some yogic masters considered seeing an eye as a very good sign of progress on the spiritual path. In our body, there are seven energy centers where the nerve points meet. The Agya Chakra is the sixth energy center located in the middle of eyebrows and it is also known as the trikuti, the seat of the mind. Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar said, “Third eye is equivalent to intuition. It develops when one is more centered and content.” With focusing on eye chakra one could rose from lower perception or limited perception to the higher perception as well as one could be full of devotion, love, calmness and deep joy. Om Swamiji said, “It is the absence of all bookish knowledge and it is about becoming that knowledge. It is the awakening of insight.” According to Swami Vishnu Devanada in the book ‘Meditation and Mantras’, he told, “He who meditates successfully on this centre destroys the karma of all past lives and becomes a liberated soul. Intuitional knowledge is obtained through this chakra, the seat of primordial power and soul. It is here that yogis consciously put their prana at the time of death.”

Sadhguru explained, “There are two ways to open the third eye. One is to burn everything in the body to create a vacuum inside so that the door of third eye is opened inwards. The second way is to build a pressure inside and let the door open up outside.” I followed the former way and most of the time felt that a kangri, a pot filled with hot embers was burning inside me, which was consuming all negative tendencies, and creating a partial vacuum inside me.

The confusion arose in mind because I saw a normal eye unlike the third eye as depicted by painters - a vertical eye. Since ages, what artists had imagined, I was experiencing quite different from that. It must be their imagination only but what I was experiencing was a reality.

Sometimes, I felt that Lord Vishnu resting on Sheshnaga, a 1000 headed serpent in kshirsagar, the ocean of milk was wrongly depicted by painters. It should be as Bhagwan was sitting on His table and chair, His eyes fixed on laptop, typing with lightening speed and forgetting about Himself – His health, His exercise, His recreation activities and thinking only about the welfare of His devotees. :)

P.S. : For all those who are interested to know more about my ‘Foodie Ashram’ project, I would like to share Aarti with you. ;) :D

प्रभु आइये, प्रभु आइये,

छोले भठूरे खाइये।

फूला फूला लचीला,

हमें बनाइये। 

प्रभु आइये, प्रभु आइये,

गुलाब जामुन खाइये।

रसीला रसीला मुलायम,

हमें बनाइये।

Translation

O, Lord, Please visit us,

Have a hearty meal of chole bhature,

Make us fluffy and flexible.

O, Lord, Please visit us,

Have a hearty meal of gulab jamuns,

Make us sweet and spongy.

Pic : Pixabay

360 Seconds with Om Swamiji - A bunch of spiritual experiences in my lap

Believe it or not!

I was blessed to have only 360 seconds with Om Swamiji in two private audiences in Nov,18 and June, 19 each 180 seconds long. I did not have ‘Om’ in my name like other devotees, I did not have white or ochre robe, I was not in any Om Swami Team and I did not reside in Sri Badrika Ashram. I did not have the quantity time like all of you had. Still I had a bunch of spiritual experiences in my lap and one of them was extremely rare.

He initiated me when I did not know anything about initiation. I only knew that I was asking a tough question which Guru answered only if the disciple had served the Guru for at least 12 years. I was very happy when He answered my question in my second audience with Him. Near about after one year I came to know that, I was initiated and I had to chant the mantras without using ‘Om’ in the beginning of any mantra. Last year in July, I came to know that I was initiated to Level 5 of initiation. When there is such a long queue for Level 1 initiation, I was surprised to be blessed with such a higher level of initiation. He is karunamaye!

You all would be surprised to know that I had never touched His feet physically though I touched His feet mentally numerous times in a day. He had never placed a mudra on my Sahasrara Chakra. Although I felt all the time, He surrounded me like an aura, a protective spiritual covering, which always helped me in growing spiritually and continuously guided me on the treacherous path.

He was so kind that He had blessed me many times in dreams, gave darshan in meditation, visited my house in astral body many kilometres away from ashram and bestowed the vision of various Devi’s whomever I worshiped. When He was 24 years old, He chose me as His disciple long before I chose Him as my Guru.

He graced me with quality time instead of quantity time. It was the most beautiful gift He had gifted me. Only quality time and not the quantity time created a deep and loving bond between Guru and disciple.

To be blessed with more quality time with Him, I woke up between 2-3am and sleep at night between 10-11pm sometimes rather most of the times without any nap during the daytime. Out of which I spent 7-8 hours in mediation or chanting, 1-2 hours in charity and rest in money making to keep the charity work going without any hassle. I worked very hard day and night to utilize every minute of my time so that I could have quality time with Him because even a fraction of His second counts!

Quite often in life, quantity has very little quality, and quality has very little quantity. After all it's not the quantity that matters, it's the quality that counts. Steve Jobs said, “Quality is more important than quantity. One home run is much better than two doubles.”

One more private audience with Him and I will be self-reliant to open a ‘Foodies’ ashram in which chole bhature and gulab jamuns will be served as prasadam, by creating a blue ocean as no other ashram served them as prasadam. :D Prebooking starts now! ;) :D

P.S. : 1. This is my experience, yours may be different! :)

2. While searching quotes on internet, I came across an interesting quote that I could not resist to share with all of you. In Killosophy, Criss Jami quoted, “A lonely day is God's way of saying that he wants to spend some quality time with you.” :)

Pic : Quality over quantity created by me.

Breathe Smile Meditate Let Go

 

I could not smile. I did not know how to smile. I knew how to laugh, laugh aloud heartily.

“Chandrika, were you howling a few minutes back?” A batch-mate inquired while I was sitting on the stairs with my friends near the main entrance of the college gate.

“Yup!” I replied. My contagious laughter was a soul elevator, which could take my whole group onward and upward.

“You would not believe I heard your laugh on the opposite gate, about 400-500 meters away and guessed it must be Chandrika, as no one else could laugh so loud.” She said with surprise in her voice.

“Chandrika, I came here to check whether your laugh has created crevices in the old walls and ceilings of college building.” A senior colleague teased me when I was working, as a lecturer and I were cachinnating with the staff members of my department in a free period.

“Chandrika, you teach yoga or laughing?” A middle aged woman who was interested in joining my evening yoga classes asked. “Both.” I replied, as my hearty laugh was a gift of the soul as pure as ringing bells in a temple.

People recognised me because of my noticeable, full of joy and warm-hearted laugh.

Breathe Smile Meditate Let go

I could breathe with ease.

I could meditate for hours and hours.

I could let go of anything.

But I could not smile.

Smiling was a big missing point in my meditation.

I attended the online Creative Writing Course about mastering the craft of writing compelling fiction and non-fiction by Sadhvi Vrinda Om ji. How much I learnt creative writing I could not say but I definitely learnt the art of smiling from her. During the course, I was watching her smiling baby face minutely, her bright, brilliant, and broad smile. She was beaming. She was dazzling.

While meditating, I tried to copy her winsome smile. With practice, I learnt to smile like her. I could Breathe Smile Meditate  Let go very easily. In May, 2020 in my mool Sadhana, Goddess manifested three times, two times I saw the front view and one was side view. However, I was not satisfied with the vision. I felt as if I was watching MA in black and white T.V. I want to see HER in colour T.V. And then in 3D. :D  

Thich Nhat Hanh said, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”

Unbelievable - The Lineage was Guiding Me

“Madam, 2021 was the worst of year of my life.” Today morning, a young man told me on phone. I met him near about a month back while I was travelling to Bhangarh with my mother. He was inviting my family on the b’day party of his twin sons as they were born on 1st January, 2020 and it was their first birthday.

On our route, near Rajgarh my mother wanted to use washroom that too in a western style as she had arthritis. My driver and I checked the toilets on petrol pumps, hotels, restaurants, schools and every other place where we saw a board ‘Toilet’ but all were in Indian style. We were searching from the past half an hour but could not find a suitable one for her.

While moving on a congested street with heavy traffic, we noticed a marriage palace and I got down inquiring. The employee getting out of the building refused. On hearing my voice, a young man came out and asked me, “How could I help you?” I explained the situation. He said, “Yes, they have a washroom in western style.” And gladly allowed us to use it.  

 I elatedly called my mother from the car as I had found one. While the young man and I started talking about our family, career and the place of work. I came to know that he and his wife both had government jobs. They had a marriage place, which was quite big and had modern amenities. As he told his full name, I took out a gold bangle and handed to him. He hesitantly took it. Then he refused to take it. I said, “Keep it as a remembrance that we meet up. It will be auspicious for you.”

“Will you please share your mobile number with me?” He asked.

“Sure.”

He repeatedly invited, “Please visit us again, today evening on your return journey.”

As I moved out of the marriage palace, I pondered what instigate me to give that bangle to him when he was financially sound, both husband and wife were earning good and had a decent marriage palace. The God wished so, so I did!

As the roads were bumpy, I took another route back home.

Today, he called me. While conversing with him, I came to know that the twins were weak and fell ill frequently. And he had a seven year old daughter who got fever after the birth of his sons. Her health deteriorated and she started having seizures, hallucinations and confusions. On diagnosis in Jaipur hospital, he came to know that it was brain fever. She was admitted in the hospital for two months and he could not sleep during that time, as he had to take care of his daughter even during the night because she could get a seizure attack any time. Now, her daughter had recovered somewhat. She could attend school, could write but not as beautifully as earlier, she could not remember for long time as her memory had been affected. The doctor told him that he was lucky as out of 25 cases 10 died, 10 became mentally retarded and hardly 4-5 cases survived. He prayed day and night for her recovery and spent near about 7-8 lakhs on her health.

“It was not the good time rather worst time of his life!” I thought.

Even if I was going a charity blindly, the lineage was guiding me. Unbelievable!

Pic : For more than three decades, I had this euphorbia in my garden but it bloomed only once. Unbelievable! 

WiFi Connection with God

“Immediately stop fasting on Thursdays!” I tried to ignore it but it bombarded again in my mind. “You should keep fasts on Wednesdays and worship Lord Ganesha.” These words were said to me near about four years back by one of my relative. Most of the time business related problems distracted me in my meditation but this was the first time a relative was disturbing me. Once again, I tried. This time a bit gently by changing direction of the flow of thoughts. “Where is that Pandit ji now who advised me to keep fast on Thursadys? How caringly he taught me to do chanting, to do hawans, to keep fast and to pray!” Although I was an advance practitioner now but how could I forgot him who taught me the basics. Whether he is alive or........? My heart skipped a beat, and I shivered a bit with unknown fear.

To know about his whereabouts, I called a management member of the temple where he used to work earlier. Almost a decade back, he left that mandir, I became busy with my business, and we lost contacts. The management member gave the number of an employee, the employee gave the number of his relative who was presently working in the same temple and the relative gave Pandit ji’s number. I dialed his number. Will he be able to recognise me?

“I am Dr. Saini’s daughter who used to live in University.”

“Who? Sweety?” He used to call me ‘Sweety’ though my nick name was ‘Cutie’, maybe he found it difficult to pronounce it. Anyhow ‘Sweety’ was much better than ‘Qweti’, ‘Kutti’or ‘Tutti’.

I was disheartened to know that he was going through severe financial problems. His relatives had deserted him. He was presently living in Dauji, a small town near Vrindavan. I sent the money through Money Order as his bank account got closed due to non-maintenance of minimum balance. I asked him to open a new bank account so that I could online transfer Rs. 21000/- per month in his account, an amount more than my personal expenses. He was elated. ‘Give more to others than you keep it for yourself’ was my mantra of life.

I had a WiFi connection with God which worked 24 x 7 x 365. Prayer was the WiFi connection to Him- super-fast, always-on and free. He was always available, and I could stay in constant contact with Him. I could communicate directly with Him and if I listened carefully, I heard Him speaking to me. I could keep uploading prayers for others and could keep constantly downloading peace and His blessings.This was not the first time I got the signal from God to help somebody in need. Every now and then images of the needy persons flashed in front of me, and several times the guiding voice clearly instructed me about the exact amount. Some said it was Devi’s voice, some said it was Guru’s voice and some said it was your inner voice. Whatever it may be, I believed that it was Guru’s voice because after chanting the suggested mantras by Him, my prayers started speaking to me, the voice became clearer and more prominent.

In the book, ‘A Prayer that Never Fails’ Sadhvi Vrinda Om mentioned, “There were times during my japa when I could see people’s faces - someone in need, someone who was sad, someone going through a tough phase in life, someone I could help. My abilities were gradually growing to a degree where I could gauge what people were going through and what help they sought from me. This amazement at the accuracy of my reading surprised me as it surprised them.” I experienced somewhat quite similar.

Earlier I used to pray for any living being whom I found in distress. One day, I felt that I could not breathe properly when I saw a tree completely covered with dust near a stone mine. I prayed to God for rains so that it could wash away thick layers of dust. I felt piercing pain when a owner of a black horse hit the nail in his body before nailing it in horseshoe. I prayed for the black horse. I saw a bitch bleeding profusely, a savage man had raped her. My heart bled. I prayed for her. I saw an elderly man with both his hands plastered. I felt the pain he was going through. I prayed and prayed for him. R.A. Torrey said, “Prayer is the key that unlocks all the storehouses of God’s infinite grace and power.”

Prayers washed off the impurities of my heart, it steadied my mind and prepared it for the reception of divine guidance. Swami Sivananda says in ‘Bliss Divine’, “Prayer is communion with God through single-minded devotion. Prayer is spiritual food for the soul. Prayer is spiritual tonic. If you pray regularly, your life will be gradually changed and moulded. Prayer should be life long, and your life should be one long prayer.” Prayer should always be one’s first response to every situation. Therefore, pray and pray neither for the earthy pleasures nor for heavenly pleasures with sakam bhava but for the welfare of other beings, deep spiritual enlightenment and for His grace with nishkam bhava.

Pic : Pexels

A Glimpse of Ma Kalratri

Buuuurrp! Buh-UUuurrp! Buur...BrruUUUUuuuUuuUp!

I was experiencing severe motion sickness as if I was travelling in a hilly area though I was sitting on a red asana in my prayer room. I was undergoing sever discomfort because of bloating, nausea, stomachache and a mild sensation to vomit. Because of unceasing uneasiness, I forgot the mantra that I was chanting! It was not a long mantra or a difficult mantra. It contained just three words. I tried hard to recall the mantra, but I failed. It occurred on my second day of my forty days Sadhana.

A few days earlier, I saw a video shared by our Honourable Prime Minister Shri Narendra Modi on social media about Ma Kalratri, the seventh form of the nine forms of Goddess Durga which is worshiped on the seventh day of Navratras. As depicted, Devi looked stunning in blue color and I was attracted to the color more than the form. I could not resist myself from worshiping a Goddess who mounts on a adorable donkey instead of a ferocious lion, fierce tiger, aggressive jackal or feral bull. She was irresistible!

“MA, I drop all the fruits of this Sadhana. Please help me in completing this Sadhana.” I visualized a dark-complexioned Goddess with untied hair with left hands carrying hooked vajra, curved sword and right hands in abhyamudra and varadamudra riding on a gentle donkey and prayed, when I found it was almost impossible for me to sit further to complete my chanting. I opened my eyes, picked up my notes which were lying nearby and started reading the mantra from it. Nonstop burping distracted my attention from even reading a easy mantra. I could not focus. I could not peruse.

“MA, PLEASE HELP ME.” My heart cried aloud.

Once again, I gathered courage, put my index finger below the first word of mantra and read it aloud like a nursery kid. Moved my index finger below the second word and then the third. On that day, I completed my chanting like a child who was learning to read words by joining letters. Once again, I became child. Once again I became innocent. The innocence of child erupted a fountain of warmth, love and bliss in me.

Although my burping problem continued throughout this Sadhana still Ma Kalratri was very kind and blessed me with her glimpse. One day in meditation I saw her wide open, big, fierce eyes just like they are depicted in her pictures. Afterall, She is also known as ‘Shubhankari’, one who blesses Her devotees with auspicious results.