My Tiny Steps Towards Sainthood

“I will never allow you to take sannyasa (renunciation). You can do whatever prayers you like to do in your room and nobody will disturb you.” Ma (my mother) instructed me on seeing my inclination towards sannyasa. Newton’s third law is ‘for every action there is equal and opposite reaction.’ I decided I would become a saint without taking sannyasa. I threw my bed out of my room and declared that I would sleep on floor from now onward. She tried hard to convince me to sleep on a low height bed, bed with wheels or any designer bed that fit in my Sankalpa. But I was adamant. This happened almost one and a half decade before. Till date in summers, I slept on cotton durrie and in winters on a cotton gadda (thin mattress).

When I became comfortable with the change in my sleeping habit, I challenged myself by saying goodbye to the slippers. Like saints, I began to live barefoot. Most of the time I did not wear any footwear. These restrictions I followed in my house and only my close relatives knew about it. I lived like a queen in the outer world, but I lived like a saint in the four walls of my house!  

When last time I attended Swamiji’s discourse, he looked towards me and said, “Sannyasa lene ki jaroorat kya hai (What is the need to take sannyasa)?

Pic : Pexels

This is How I Awakened My Kundalini - From Root Chakra to Crown Chakra

As my past was haunting me, I could not sleep. I was trying hard to slip into dreamland, but I was failing repeatedly. That night, I took a bold decision. From quite some time, I was struggling between my materialistic and spiritual desires; whether should I struggle more on the materialistic path or should I focus my time and energy wholly on my spiritual path. Finally, I decided I would be concentrating fully on my spiritual journey. My courageous decision was that I would awaken my Kundalini Energy, which once awakened could not be made dormant rather had to be worshiped daily without failing for a single day. I opened a book by Swami Sivananda whether that was online in pdf format or in paperback I could not recall now. I reached that page on which Kundalini awakening pranayama was written. (This pranayama is also mentioned on page no. 93 in the book ‘Japa Meditation : The Easiest Way to Calm The Mind’ authored by me.

I inhaled and exhaled as per the mentioned instructions. I hardly did that pranayama for ten times or even less then did I feel a throbbing sensation in my Muladhara Chakra. I could distinctly feel that I had awakened my Kundalini. My body was like dry twigs that just needed a spark to ignite. In Bliss Divine, Swami Sivananda said, “When there is throbbing in the Muladhara, when hairs stand on their roots, when Uddiyana, Jalandhara and Mula Bandha come involuntarily, know that Kundalini has awakened.” This happened sometime in 2011 or 2012. At that time, I did not know who Om Swami was, but He knew me well and showed me the correct path because He knew more about me (my past lives) then what I knew about myself.

In the following days, I became more confirmed as I felt jolts in my legs just before slipping into the sleep. One day in dream, I felt an electric current passing through my spinal cord. I also experienced bliss for near about 60 seconds in which my breathing stopped completely, and I felt immense joy. That was just a drop of nectar, but my heart was yearning for the ocean of nectar – Samadhi. Some months later, I felt involuntary body movements, which became vigorous with each passing day. For many years, my stomach got upset very frequently because of Kundalini jumping at Solar Plexus Chakra or because of my somewhat bad eating habits I did not know.

These days, most of the time my Kundalini was at Heart Chakra as I could feel the burning sensation there and I cried horribly while meditating. Sometimes I felt difficulty in breathing and many times coughed in deep meditation, which meant that my Kundalini was active at Throat Chakra. Generally, while worshiping Devi my Kundalini arose to Eye Chakra and during astral body experience, it reached Crown Chakra and I felt a fountain of ecstasy and joy. Finally, dhoodh mein ubal aa he gaya (Milk boils)! ;)

Pic: Pixabay

Praise is Necessary -To Keep the Wheels Turning

Two thousand rupee note flickered under a raw peeled onion!

Instead of putting the currency in moneybox, he put in on an aluminum plate and used the onion as paperweight so that it may not fly with the gust. I gave a tip of rupees two thousand to a redewala, a street vendor. He reluctantly took it. He neither expressed gratitude nor smiled. I was bewildered. It was a quite big sum of money for him as he could only sell ten to fifty rupees of his freshly prepared foodstuffs to a single customer. Even then, his face was stern!

While munching the mirchi bada (potato stuffed green chili fritter) which I bought from him, I decided to minutely observe him for some time to find out the reason or at least one reason to bring a smile on his face. Although the fritter was too tasty, but it was too spicy for me. I had a burning sensation in my mouth. To neutralize it, I needed something sweet to eat or to drink. I saw a sugarcane juice machine on a nearby stall but there was no vendor to sell it. On asking the stern-faced vendor, I came to know that he also owned this. I gave order for two glasses. He prepared it while attending the customers on both stalls. While slowly sipping the deep-green viscous liquid, I found out that he had good cooking skills, fine managing ability but poor communication skills.

I met him for the first and this would be the last time. Before leaving this place, could I bring a smile on his face? I went near his stall and smilingly said, “The mirchi bada was very delicious. I really enjoyed eating it.”

He beamed.

After all, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Leo Tolstoy in War and Peace said, “In the best, the friendliest and simplest relations flattery or praise is necessary, just as grease is necessary to keep wheels turning.”

Pic : Pixabay

My Journey from Foodie to Sainthood

“Jija ji (Brother-in-law) is out of the town!” My mausi ji (maternal aunty) uttered as soon she entered our kitchen and saw a deep-frying pan filled with hot oil on the gas stove.

“Yup, one hour before he left for three days tour to Chandigarh.” I replied and inquired, “How do you come to know?”

“Kadhai (deep-frying pan) was on the fire just a few minutes before as fumes are coming out of it. You must be frying something.” She smiled while replying.

“I just prepared paneer pakodas (cheese fritters). Do you want to taste?” I served freshly prepared pakodas with coriander chutney to her.

She took a bite and said, “So, for the next three days you guys will be partying.”

We laughed heartily.

My father loved to eat simple food- chapatti, dal (cooked pulses) or seasonal vegetable. However, my mother who was a foodie would always serve him chapatti, dal, stuffed vegetables, vegetables with curry, salad, fruits and freshly prepared cheese. Although, he never relished eating fried food like puri, bhature, pakode, samosa, tikki etc. On festivals, he just took a morsel or just a tiny piece of fried food and never asked for more. Whereas I always wondered why he made so much of money day and night if he did not want to eat delicious food. What is the need to do so much of hard work if he just wished to eat dal and roti? At that time my philosophy was chole chature khaoo prabhu ke gun gao (Relish chole bhature and sing the glory of Lord)!

Not only that he never eats oily, junk, processed, canned or frozen food but also, he never criticized the food on his plate. Whatever my mother served him he would eat it without commenting on it. Only occasionally he would say, today salt was more in veg if by chance, there was some extra salt in veg and my mother had forgotten to taste it before serving. Simple food gave him strength and vigor to work for prolonged hours. Throughout his life, he had a very good control on his taste buds, which was the underlying reason of his success in academics as well as in business.

My nature, my values, my attitude towards other people and my perspective towards life was more like that of my father. As I had worked with him for ten long years, so my style of working was also inspired from him. I was his carbon copy except his food habits. A trait that I could never acquire from him.

I was a foodie until I did a 40-day Sadhana in which I ate meal only once in a day and that too phalahara (without cereals and pulses). The Devi did not appear as distinctly as before, but I could fit into my purani (old) jeans. ;) During the last days of Sadhana, I experienced two unique experiences. Someday, one I would share with you, readers and the other one I would keep intact in my heart forever. :)

Pic : Phalahar at The Ancient Barbeque, Gurgaon in 2016.

My Second Trip to Sri Badrika Ashram

“What?” I exclaimed as T.T. told me that the ticket I was carrying with me was not a confirmed ticket of first class but 47th in the waiting list. I was shocked. I was surprised. I thought that a ticket was booked only for a confirmed ticket. I overlooked the microscopic W.L. letters written on the right-hand side of the ticket. At that time, I was standing on Kalka railway station to catch a toy train to Solan.

“Buy a passenger ticket from the ticket window and get into the last passenger compartment.” He calmly suggested.

With my luggage, I almost ran towards the ticket window at the farthest corner of the station. The ticket window was open, but the staff member was not willing to give tickets, as he was busy with some other work. I repeatedly requested him to give me ticket as early as possible. He gave me ticket after ten long minutes. Holding that precious piece of paper, I ran back on the long platform to catch the train, but it had left the station just a few minutes before.

Should I take the taxi to Solan? The construction work of flyovers was going in full swing and if there was so much rush in rail then it must be thrice on roads. Traffic jams on hills meant that I would go through severe travel sickness. To avoid uneasiness of travelling in terrain, I decided to get into another train which was about to leave after one hour. To my utmost surprise, there was no space in any compartment in that train too. I somehow get in and find a place to stand near a wall. There were people on the seats, in between the seats and their bags and baggage on the over-head racks, below the berth and scattered everywhere on the floor. I thanked God that at least I found a place to stand in this jam-packed train.

After one hour the train started, more people get into and there was no space left to move even an inch. A few minutes later, an elderly woman asked me to move a bit. I twisted and turned to make space for her movement. She opened the door, and a foul smell made me realize that I was standing, taking the support of the toilet wall of the compartment. I remembered my deity that I was not going to stand alone in this mess, you have to accompany me and felt the same what I was going through. Every time someone opened the door, the stinking smell made me felt that I was not alone; my deity was with me holding my hand and comforting me.

I was hopeful to get a seat on the next station when somebody would get down, but I did not get any seat on that day. I was unlucky to get the seat, but I was lucky to have the company of my deity. I was standing for near about four hours until I reached Solan and took a seat in my pre-booked taxi.

As soon as I reached the riverside of the ashram, I gave my bags and baggage to local guide and started running towards the ashram as only a few minutes were left in the start of the discourse. I ran madly on the hard ground, in between the rocks, uphill without stopping for taking a breath. Even if I was short of breath while climbing the hill, even then I kept pacing forward until my breath became a bit normal and I could resume running again. I ran, I ran, ignoring the ache and heaviness in my legs until I reached the discourse room before closing of the doors. As I occupied the seat in the last row of the hall, I was sweating heavily, and my face was crimson red.  

I had His darshan, His sweet smile washed away all my tiredness! :)

Pic 1: A view of Giri river near Sri Badrika Ashram

Pic 2: A view of Sri Badrika Ashram

My World - Ma, bhai and….

 

The day he died, I realized that he was an integral part of my life. Before that, I never felt that he was an important part of my tiny world.

Since childhood days, Ma (my mother) and bhai (my brother) were always with me to share life stories, to relish meals, to play indoor games, to do art and craft work, to listen to radio, to solve my emotional problems, and to have fun in every moment of this blessed life. But my father was never there to enjoy those precious moments with us. As he was always busy in making money, working for success in his career, winning numerous awards including the highest fellowship award in his field ‘B.P. Pal Fellowship’ and in obeying his father’s orders. He never had the time for us. Moreover, I could count on my fingers those vacations or festivals on which I spent some time with him. However, he was always there in my life to feed me bitter medicines, to make me recite tables while standing close to a wall on a cold night, to scold me on my slightest mistakes. An emotional bond was never built up with him. It was like that seed, which never germinated!

The tears welled up in my eyes as I opened the office file and saw a note in his handwriting on the third page of the same file. He had jotted down some important points on the border of the page, which made my work easier. He was there to guide me with his scribbles but was not present physically. Taking the file with me, I hurriedly left his room and came to my room to calm my emotions. They subsided a bit. Soon after this, I needed a diary to consult some business-related issue; I gathered my courage and went back in his room to get that. As I opened it, I found a newspaper cutting, on which a quote was written which highlighted the importance of hard work over destiny. On every document, on every page, on every diary and on every journal contained his teachings, his guidance, his advice, his instructions and his suggestions. These all were there, only his physical body was not there!

For the next two months, I struggled with my emotions and when I found that I was not able to focus on my business, I shifted into a property where I had never spent a single minute with him leaving Ma and bhai behind. On that day, I understood that I had a much stronger emotional bond with him than what I had experienced with Ma and bhai although I never realized it till, he was alive. It was my sheer ignorance to overlook the thick, dense and blooming tree that was fully grown in my heart!

From the past ten years, after he fell severely ill, my daily routine was to enter his room at 8 am and leave his room around 7 pm. All day long, I took care of him and his business. I was his peon, his cook, his typist, his accountant, his wealth manager, his risk manager, his general manager, and his personal secretary. When he saw that I was serving him while forgetting myself, he gifted me a property. He had a very strong desire that I must progress spiritually which he could not do because of his busy schedule and his strong materialistic desires. In the gifted property, I did most of my Sadhanas and Devis always gave darshan to me. Swamiji too visited me in an astral body in the same house.

After He blessed me with the astral body experience in which I felt that my Kundalini rose up to the crown area, only His Padam Feet are my world! :)

Pic – Unsplash

Vision of Ma’s Third Eye - My Kundalini rose to Agya Chakra

One eye!? Why I couldn’t see another one?

While meditating I saw only one eye, which was quite different from my earlier experiences when I saw both the eyes of various Goddesses very clearly. I was having a vision of only one eye near about 7-8 months back. It might be a fake experience as I might have dozed off. I reflected that I might be too tired because of workload. Moreover, I was writing and commenting too much on os.me and other social media sites, which could be effecting my concentration. Therefore, I was not able to focus properly which resulted in this weird experience. I ignored it.

Twice more I saw one eye. Now, I was sure it was a spiritual experience as my mind was always filled with divine joyfulness and a deep sense of calmness. Was it a third eye?

I asked Google Baba and came to know that it was Ma’s third eye or one’s own third eye, which meant that my Kundalini energy rose up to Agya Chakra and my third eye had started activating. Seeing an eye in meditation meant that, I could now connect to my inner self or higher self as the eye was the window to one’s soul. Some yogic masters considered seeing an eye as a very good sign of progress on the spiritual path. In our body, there are seven energy centers where the nerve points meet. The Agya Chakra is the sixth energy center located in the middle of eyebrows and it is also known as the trikuti, the seat of the mind. Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar said, “Third eye is equivalent to intuition. It develops when one is more centered and content.” With focusing on eye chakra one could rose from lower perception or limited perception to the higher perception as well as one could be full of devotion, love, calmness and deep joy. Om Swamiji said, “It is the absence of all bookish knowledge and it is about becoming that knowledge. It is the awakening of insight.” According to Swami Vishnu Devanada in the book ‘Meditation and Mantras’, he told, “He who meditates successfully on this centre destroys the karma of all past lives and becomes a liberated soul. Intuitional knowledge is obtained through this chakra, the seat of primordial power and soul. It is here that yogis consciously put their prana at the time of death.”

Sadhguru explained, “There are two ways to open the third eye. One is to burn everything in the body to create a vacuum inside so that the door of third eye is opened inwards. The second way is to build a pressure inside and let the door open up outside.” I followed the former way and most of the time felt that a kangri, a pot filled with hot embers was burning inside me, which was consuming all negative tendencies, and creating a partial vacuum inside me.

The confusion arose in mind because I saw a normal eye unlike the third eye as depicted by painters - a vertical eye. Since ages, what artists had imagined, I was experiencing quite different from that. It must be their imagination only but what I was experiencing was a reality.

Sometimes, I felt that Lord Vishnu resting on Sheshnaga, a 1000 headed serpent in kshirsagar, the ocean of milk was wrongly depicted by painters. It should be as Bhagwan was sitting on His table and chair, His eyes fixed on laptop, typing with lightening speed and forgetting about Himself – His health, His exercise, His recreation activities and thinking only about the welfare of His devotees. :)

P.S. : For all those who are interested to know more about my ‘Foodie Ashram’ project, I would like to share Aarti with you. ;) :D

प्रभु आइये, प्रभु आइये,

छोले भठूरे खाइये।

फूला फूला लचीला,

हमें बनाइये। 

प्रभु आइये, प्रभु आइये,

गुलाब जामुन खाइये।

रसीला रसीला मुलायम,

हमें बनाइये।

Translation

O, Lord, Please visit us,

Have a hearty meal of chole bhature,

Make us fluffy and flexible.

O, Lord, Please visit us,

Have a hearty meal of gulab jamuns,

Make us sweet and spongy.

Pic : Pixabay