Pornography

Pornography is a complete LIE!

A gal wrote this somewhere on net.

Do you agree or disagree with her?

Wall hanging

“See, what my best friend ‘P’ has made for me!” A kid excitedly pointed towards a wall hanging.
“Has she returned from Canada?” I asked.
“No! His father visited us yesterday. She sent it with him. She prepared it herself especially for me.”

“Nice! But this is wrong side of it. You should put it like this.” I turned the wall hanging.
“This is not the right side as you can easily see joints.” He turned it again.
“It looks more beautiful and unique from the other side.”

According to you which is the right side of the wall hanging; pic1 or pic2?

Tired me!

I was trying to sleep in my room after a hectic day which includes fifteen hours of travelling by road, I felt as if my bed was vibrating. Oh God! I am soooo tired that even bed seems to be in movement as a result of prolonged shaking of body in travelling! Uneasy me turned, changed my position and tried to sleep again. No more shaking was felt and sleep embraced me.

Next morning the main news of newspaper is ‘Earthquake shook Delhi and NCR for 5-6 seconds at 11.58pm.’

Sometimes are you also so much tired that even quakes seem to be a part of your tiredness? ;)

A reserved chit-chatter

The moment that totally changed my life is

When I had break up….
Before that I was RESERVED and after that CHIT-CHATTER. ;)

This is 350th post!

Moments....

"Moments that totally changed my life are…
When I kissed my girl friend underwater….
When my father died….
When my wife dumped me after 23 years of married life….
When I remarried her step-daughter…."

An elderly man told this to another.

What are the moments that completely changed your life?

GOOD OMENS!

“See ACCIDENTS as GOOD OMENS!” I said.

Do you think this is only theoretically possible or practically also?

My life

I wrote on facebook : No Saturdays no Sundays only Workdays in my life!

Ms ‘T’ asked : Do you like it or not?

I replied : Like it?????????? I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!

Do you like to work on weekends or not?

Nano tale

I heard a nano tale on radio fm.

More work! More money!! More headache!!!

Do you agree or disagree with this?

Time pass in traffic jam!

Stuck in traffic jam surrounded with gigantic trucks painted with useless slogans and uninteresting paintings, bored of listening to same repeated advertisements on fm from past two hours, an attractive bus caught my attention. I took out the camera and start capturing its beauty from every possible angle while sitting in my car.(In photograph front portion of bus can be seen)

Seeing my sudden passion of photography my driver pointed out that back side of truck was decorated with a string of lemons.

So, they look more like lemons or mud balls? ;)

Exchange offer!

I received a sms.

If we both exchange 1 rupee, we both have 1 rupee, but if we exchange 1 good thought we both have 2 good thoughts.
I have exchanged mine what about you? ;)

Sibling!

“Where do you live?” A voice came from behind as I rang the bell of my house after returning from work.
I turned. I little girl was peeping from the next door. I pointed towards my house and replied “I live in this house.”
“I live in this house with my grandmother.”
“And where is your mother?”
“She went to hospital.”
“What happened to her?” I worriedly asked.
“Nothing.” She said and gestured her hand carelessly.
“Wow!” I uttered utmost cheerfully. My happiness bewildered her.

Do you think should I tell her that her mother will bring a sibling for her from hospital or should I kept quiet and let the child be surprised when her mother returned from hospital?

Predict for me!

“You predict for so many! Predict something for me!!” Mr. ‘H’ asked smilingly.
“Tell me your date of birth, place of birth and time of birth. And what do you want to know?” I replied.
“There is a beautiful person named Chandrika Shubham. Will she be spending this evening with me?” He smiled more.

Najar Battu

During my evening walk, I noticed a unique thing on a car. A najar battu on a number plate!! Earlier I have only noticed it hanging in front of a house, shop or office to ward off evil eyes.

Have you ever seen a najar battu warding off evil eyes from a car or no?

A bat in my room!

At dawn, I woke up and found a baby bat flying above me. It was hitting itself with walls, wardrobe and curtains; still balancing itself to fly in a room with a moving ceiling fan.

Now what should I do?

Necklace

“Why don’t you gift me this necklace?” I asked the kid who showed his creative work of beads.
“You do not wear such type of jewellery.” The kid made an excuse.
“What a keen observer he is!” I thought. “This is beautiful, I will wear it. Please gift me this necklace.” I said.

Do you think he will gift me this necklace or will find another excuse for saying ‘NO’?

SMS for Recharge

Today, I receive this sms

A 18yrs old girl…
A 20yrs old boy…
They were sitting on the sofa in a house. ALONE!
The girl stood up to go.
The boy caught her hand and pulled her closer. He gave her a tight hug and.…..
.
.
.
.
2 be continued..
Recharge Rs. 50 to 9********5 (mobile number) and enjoy the next episode. :)

To read the next episode without spending money, what should be the reply?

eRakhi

On the auspicious occasion of rakhi I am sending eRakhi to my favourite blog.

To which blog will you like to send eRakhi?

Creative kiss

While kissing, I love to experiment with my girlfriend. I enjoy trying different types of kisses. A surprising and creative kiss exclusively for her, any suggestions?

A guy wrote this question somewhere on net. Poor guy! Nobody reply on this post.

Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst in Spider-Man when Spiderman hangs upside down and his girl friend kisses him in rain while standing on the ground is considered to be the most creative on-screen kiss. Have tried it yet? ;)
For finer details watch Spiderman kiss on YouTube. ;)

Do you think should I reply to this post with the above comment in blue color or leave the post blank?

Right time to invest!

“Are you single or double?” A manager of a reputed bank asked me.
“Single!!” I said with a little weirdness in my voice.
“Oh! That’s GREAT! This is the right time to invest with our bank scheme.”

Have you ever heard of any special scheme for SINGLES only or no?

Which category?

“Some authors write extremely boring stuff and they not only waste their time in writing but also waste others time who reads them. And some write extremely well that one can recall even after years what they have written.” I told Mr.'H'.

“In which category do u fall, dear?” He laughingly asked.

Google plus

Mr. ‘H’ said “On Google plus I am not creating too many circles such as school friends, college friends, colleagues, neighbours, acquaintances, blogger friends, immediate relatives, extended family members and the persons whom I want to forget but can’t.”
Seeing my confused face he explained “I mean Ex (es).”
“hmm…”
“I am different person. I like to do things differently from others.”
“Really!” I said.
“Therefore I have created only two circles one is ‘GODS’ and other is ‘DEMONS’. I’m bit confused like you in which circle should I place YOU?” He asked me with a wink.

Dr. & Cr.

“Debit and credit are the simplest terms.” Mr. ‘H’ said.
“Debit and credit are the ambiguous terms.” I said.

Do you agree with Mr. ‘H’ or me?

Any guess?

I went to the nursery to buy some flowering trees. The hedge on the boundary of nursery had something interesting. So, the photo was clicked.

Any guess what is this brown oval shaped with two white balls in it in the centre of the photo (Click the photo for larger view)?

Nakedness

My finger shifted its position as I felt a strong jerk in the moving car caused by a huge pothole. I clicked a wrong link unintentionally. The site, with nude young woman in erotic pose was opened as a result. My car took a left turn and its pace slowed down again. I looked out of the window to examine what happened? A digambar sadhu, Jain monk wearing no clothes was coming with the procession. I bow my head.

Both of them were naked, one was erotic and the other was serene. Why?

My favourite joke

My all time favourite joke is as ..

"Please give me some work. I will do anything." A young guy who was a trapeze artist in a famous circus which was shut down because of lack of sufficient funds required for its running, pleaded.
"Yesterday monkey in our zoo died. You havn't much to do, just wear this monkey dress and do some good trapeze tricks whenever there are children in front of your cage." Mr.'U' employed him viewing his past work experience and handed over the dress.

The young guy was very happy with his work and he did it sincerely.

One day he was super excited and took a long jump and fell on the other side of the cage which was of a tiger. He shivered. He screamed.
"Shut up! Shut up, you fool!" The tiger roared. "You will not only lose your job but I will also lose mine because of your stupidity."

Do you think it is a joke or irony on unemployment?

Desire

Statement 1 :
Desire is the root cause of all sufferings.

Statement 2 :
Desire is the root cause of all success.

Would you like to go with statement 1 or 2?

Cheating Vs. Fun

“One who will reach and touch the other side of the pool will be considered as winner of the race.” A leader kid made the announcement. “And the race begins…one…two…and three.”
All the kids of same age group started swimming except one who jumped out of the pool, ran towards the other end, jumped in the water and touched the other end announcing “I AM THE WINNER!”

Do you think this is cheating or fun?

Marriage is like a mouse trap!

Yesterday, Mr. ‘H’ sent this sms to me.

Marriage is like a mouse trap! Those on d outside r trying 2 get in & those on the inside r trying to get out!
Sweetheart, u want 2 stay outside with ME or go inside with ME? ;)

Kattykally

Written by Vikram Seth ‘A Suitable boy’, I was reading and came across a interesting line which I shared with my friends as my facebook status.

Facebook status :
Such is life one doesn't often get the things one wants. - Vikram Seth

One of my friends commented :
Such is life one doesn't often marvel at the things one has. – Kattykally

This is 325th post with a word of thanks to Kattykally.

History is a boring subject!

“You teach History and have done lot of research in medieval History.” A kid raised his one eyebrow in surprise while talking to the Professor of History. “History is a boring subject! There are so many names and dates to remember!”
“If you read History like a story then you will enjoy it and will find it interesting.” Prof. said.
“I ask you a riddle if you answer it correctly I will accept History is an interesting subject otherwise you have to accept that History is a very boring subject.”
“Fine.” Prof. accepted the challenge.
“During the reign of Akbar once Yamuna in Agra was flooded but the most surprising fact was that Taj Mahal didn’t drown. Why?”
Prof. looked bewildered as he had never heard of flood during Akbar’s reign.

Do you know the answer?

A Thirsty Crow (modified version)

“Once upon a time there was a crow. One hot afternoon it was thirsty. It searched for water but couldn’t find. At last it saw a water pot. It looked inside it. There was very less water in it. Its beak couldn’t reach there. It got an idea.” A kid was narrating me the mugged up story.
“It flew and found a straw in a nearby dustbin. It brought that it its beak and put it in the pot. It drank water and flew away.” I said.

What do you think the child will laugh heartedly on hearing this or will say this is not correct and will tell me the rest of the story in which the crow put the pebbles in the pot to raise the water level?

Cheapest way to ENJOY!

I saw young couple in a park, surrounding a monument. The gal was sitting crossed legs whereas the guy was lying on the green grass. The gal was caressing his hair lovingly, sometimes gave his nose a gentle touch, and moved her hands on his face lightly touching his lips with her fingertips.

She shifted a little and I could notice that his right hand was beneath her shawl which was draped around her upper body. She was wearing a top with front placket opening. The left hand of guy was playing with mobile and right hand with …...

The ticket to enter the park of the monument costs only Rs.5 per person. Is it the cheapest way to ENJOY or there are other cheaper options? ;)

After effects of Delhi Belly

“How was the movie ‘Delhi Belly’?” Mr. ‘H’ asked me while returning home.
“My ears are paining as I have to close them repeatedly with my fingers.” I said with a little wink. “It seemed you enjoyed it very much. You were laughing non stop.”
“hmmm..”
“Falling of ceiling is the best scene in the movie.”
“The quilt scenes were awesome. Not to be missed.” He winked. “F***! F***!! F***!!!” He screamed on seeing cream color paint strains on his Breeze Blue car which he parked near my house as we decided to go on our feet to the theater. “Two hours only in two hours………?” He wanted to utter all those sweet words which he had heard in the movie but controlled himself. In disgust, he looked up; a painter was painting the balcony on second floor.
“Can’t you see that there is a car parked below?” Mr. ‘H’ shouted on the painter.
“I am a painter not a watchman.” The painter replied as if nothing has happened.
“You have spoiled my newly brand car. I haven’t received its registration number. It is so new that it bears the temporary number.” Mr. ‘H’ was trying to prove him that he made a big mistake. His reluctance to listen irritated Mr. ‘H’. His angry face became weirder and he said “I will complaint against you to the higher authorities.”
“Go ahead. They will charge you Rs. 5000 for not parking your car in basement parking area. This is the area where owners park his car at his own risk. And anything can happen here. ANYTHING!”
“At least you should have told me earlier I would have removed my car from there.”
“Sorry, Sirji! Nothing can be done now!” He grinned and showed his all possible tainted teeth to us.

Mr. ‘H’ will go up and give that painter a hard blow that even the dentist will not be able to replace his teeth back or Mr. ‘H’ will ask me for some kerosene oil and a cotton rug and will put his five hours of labour to clean up that mess?

Delhi Belly

“Give me two tickets for Delhi Belly centre back.” I said at the ticket window of the theatre hall situated in a shopping mall just walking distance from my house.
“Which show?” The guy asked.
“First day first show.”
“Back is full. Middle centre is available. Seventh row from the screen.” He told me looking at the computer screen.
My friend who is almost my age whispered in my ears “Any seat yaar…any seat...for this raunchy and witty movie. I can even watch this movie sitting on the stairs.”
I smiled and said aloud, “Fine. Give those tickets.”
“Actually ma’am it has many abuses and obscene scenes. It is an adult movie and not good for family viewing. Should I give you the tickets?” The guy asked.

SMS from unknown number!

I bought a new mobile SIM on Monday evening.

On Tuesday morning I received SMS from an unknown number.
The pain of mising frnds is reaisd when standing somwhere u see some other younger school frnds having fun n u say 2 urself "HUM BHI AISE HI THE" (WE ALSO WERE LIKE THEM)

On Wednesday morning I received another SMS from the same number.
LAW OF FRIENDSHIP : Never make Ur frendz feel alone while U r on Earth.Disturb dem as much as U can. Let dem feel ur presnce!
Show dem U r DAMN ALIVE...!!!:)
Good night
sweet dreams
take care

Do you think I activated some service by mistake (may be clicked some wrong keys) or these are messages sent to somebody else which are reaching me by chance?

Julie, the bitch

As I was placing the food wrapped in the newspaper on the ground, it slipped from my hands. The food fell away from the newspaper on the ground. Daily I fed Julie, the bitch with food placed on the newspaper. She took the food in its mouth, placed it on the paper and then started relishing it.

Do you think it is normal for this species or Julie is an intelligent bitch?

House Vs Cage

On seeing this the first thought that came to my mind was 'Is this a house or a cage?'

Mongoose chasing a chameleon

Crossing one of the busiest roads of the countryside, a mongoose was chasing a chameleon. The distance between them became shorter and shorter. To watch this chasing I stopped my car.

What do you think mongoose will catch its prey or chameleon will change its colour to hide itself in nearby bushes?

2 Options

An anonymous reader from Australia commented on my earlier posts whose links are given below.
Comment No.1
Comment No.2
The same anonymous person wrote a comment as A Wellwisher :)
Comment No.3

Recently anonymous commented on my previous post as
"Her blogs are so silly and down-right DUMB" the girl said.

Do you think her readers are horny because she is a female blogger or do they have pea-sized brains?

My reply :
Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for being my regular reader. Out of the 2 Options suggested by you which one you chose for URSELF? ;))

Balcony on twelfth floor

On looking down from my balcony on twelfth floor of the building a kid said, “It seems to me that I will fall down.”

Do you live above or below twelfth floor?

How do I see my self after 3 years?

“How do you see yourself after 3 years?” A person who was studying management asked me.
Although my heart wants to get married and have a baby, my brain wants to have more than thousand blog buddies and publication of my novel yet my mouth only utters that I want to know the real name of Mago. I am damn curious to know what Ma and Go stand for.

Do you think I am reserved person who doesn’t tell secrets or I am chit-chatter who talks non-stop?

Thankless job!

“I have put on weight. I do regular exercise even then it is not reducing.” An elderly lady complained.
“What exercise you do?” The doctor asked.
“I do all the kitchen work own my own.”
“It is not considered as an exercise. Regular morning/ evening walk are considered as regular exercise.”
“What is the use of doing kitchen work all the time as it is a thankless job?” She vent out her frustrations.

Give me ONLY one tava!

“You have three tava (a large convex disc shaped griddle made up of iron used for making chapattis)!!!” A four year kid exclaimed. He was curiously opening the cupboards of my kitchen while I was preparing tea for her mother who was comforting herself in air conditioned drawing room. On seeing three tava lying side by side in shelve out of which one was used for cooking chapattis, one for roasting sweet potatoes and the other one with a flat bottom used for cooking dosa. “We have only one! Give me ONLY one tava just ONLY one. I will take it to my home then we will have two tava and you will also have two tava.” He requested cutely.

What do you suggest should I give him one tava or should make a sweet excuse to refuse?

Good movies

There are so many DVDs of good movies in this shop.

Which one should I buy?

Speaking to a cloud

While walking on the roof of my house, I had a strange feeling when I looked at the sky full of clouds. The sky had numerous of them; of all shapes, sizes and colours varying shades of grey, white, cream and orange. A tiny cloud in ochre robe considerably above the horizon appeals to me. I spoke ‘Hi Tiny’. My voice distracted it. It looked up from the laptop on which it was working. It smiled innocently.

“Do you know when my grandpa was young he wrote a poem in Urdu on talking to clouds?” I started the conversation.
“How could I? It’s a family trend.” It winked and then smiled a little more.
“He didn’t publish his work as he later on came to know that Kalidas had written ‘Meghdoot’ about talking to clouds. Although his work was different but he felt that it would give an impression of copying. So, his work remained unpublished.”
“He could have written blogs as I do.” It grinned. “You could read my musings at www.blogofasmilingcloud.com” It winked twice.

Have you ever felt that you are speaking to a cloud?

Dilemma of my life

I am standing in quite a long queue; in front of me is a sannyasin who is wearing white colored saree along with white colored shoes and purse. She is dipped in white from top to bottom except her hair which is black. On my back is standing a newly wed woman who is wearing vibrant clothes with artificial jewellery, lose hair and pencil heels. She is dipped in glitters from top to bottom except her face make up which is wiped off by the drops of perspiration.

I am in the dilemma whether I should take sannyas or tie the nuptial knot?

Too hot, too cold!

“In a restaurant whenever I eat food, the first morsel of food is too hot that it burns sensitive skin of my mouth whereas the last morsel of food is too cold that it becomes difficult for me to chew it properly.” Mrs. ‘L’ said.

Do you also feel the same?

Rich beggar

Today, I read in the newspaper that a beggar died with Rs. 1.98 lakhs in his pocket.

These days, are the beggars really poor!?

A mail

I received this mail.

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following group
of people are shipwrecked :-

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman.
2 French men and 1 French woman.
2 German men and 1 German woman.
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman.
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman.
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman.
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman.
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman.
2 English men and 1 English woman.
2 Swiss men and 1 Swiss woman.

One month later on the same island in the middle of nowhere, the following
things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a
ménage-à-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with
the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long
look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instruction>

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and
a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for
their stores.

The two Australian men are contemplating suicide because the Australian
woman keeps complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she
can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal
division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her look fat; how
her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do;
how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the
taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and have set
up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it
gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're
satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English
woman.

The two Swiss man opened a bank and married the Bulgarian and the Japanese
women. The Swiss women founded a feminist Group and supported all the women on the island.

Do you think racial humor is funny or offensive?

Bidi time!

An elderly man who was sitting on a mudah made puff and handover the bidi to the elderly woman. She was sitting beside him on a peedah. She took it in her wrinkled hand, inhaled and filled her mouth and lungs with smoke. She passed that same bidi to the man while puffing.

Do you think they were saving a bidi or they were enjoying bidi smoking in each other’s company?